Please evaluating my essay , can you tell me the Writing Ielts band score I would get

Topic: Some argue younger people are not suitable for important positions in the government, while others think this is a good idea.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is sometimes argued whether the younger generation is qualified for critical positions in the government. While young employees have less time to accumulate experiences, I contend that the creative mindset of the young generation will benefit in many ways.

Young candidates should not be given important positions for the following two reasons. First, young people are characterized by immature and inexperienced nature. Therefore, they tend to make decisions without careful consideration. When those are given leading positions in the government, their imprudent actions may cause serious results and they have to pay money in compensation. Second, young people who always depend on parents in their adolescence are inclined to be more hot-tempered and more self-centered. Therefore, when they impose their ideas on other, it is more difficult to convince them to change initial strategies and admit mistakes that cause serious loss.

However, I am convinced by those who agree that young candidates should be given more opportunities to do government tasks. First, young employees come up with new notions and innovations and show a better sense of creativity in government operations. They are expected to bring their innovative style to the process of government tasks which is sometimes rigid and conservative. For instance, young leaders develop the idea of applying online social networks to interact with customers. Second, this is an effective method to change the government’s attitude to the traditional approach. Young leaders could be a source of inspiration for the youth to step forward and contribute something to the benefit of the country. For example, Jack Ma, a well-known businessman, usually shares his story, journey, and thoughts with the younger generation to provide an insight into Trading Economics he has acquired through his career.

In conclusion, I believe that there are certain areas where the young will deliver better performance while seniors may surpass the young in some specific fields. However, it is better to offer the young important position in the government.