Please evaluating my essay , can you tell me the Writing Ielts band score I would get

Q: Young people are leaving their homes in rural areas to study or work in the cities. What are the reasons? Do the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages?

It is cleared that leaving the countryside to major cities has become prevalent among young people due to the availability of better universities and future career aspects. While some people argue that the disadvantages of this phenomenon pale in comparison with its merits, I would agree with this school of thought.

There are two main benefits which prompt a growing number of young from the rural areas to cities. Firstly, there are many prestigious universities which are located in the heart of urban cities. It means that these schools would attract ambitious students who pursue further education. A higher degree, such as Master of Business Administration (MBA), for example, might ensure graduates well-paid professions.

Secondly, in terms of business, despite the fierce competition in the global market, youngsters believe that it is a dynamic environment. Thanks to the varied labor dispersion, people can have professional jobs compared to the remote areas where the economy is limited. Furthermore, in big cities, seniors could be offered better compensation and benefit packages after retirement. In light of the aforementioned benefits, elite intellectuals have become aware of the availability of opportunities for academic performance and career advancement.

However, some potential drawbacks of this trend should be taken into consideration. Even though the entire human resource of a country may be better utilized, the beneficiary is only the large cities. While the economy of cities continues progressing, the gap between rural areas and urban cities could be further widened. It means that losing young and competent labor force, rural villages and towns will encounter a series of workforce pressures in fields like farming.

In conclusion, I believe that the demerits will not overshadow its benefits. Moreover, the growth in this trend is mainly attributed to the greater chances, as well as the improved living standard.