Please evaluate my toefl essay..

1. People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

People go to college for very diverse reasons these days because the unique features of college. I believe that the goal that people are supposed to gain by going to college is mainly two things: 1) increasing the knowledge and skill 2) building a way to the future career. And these are discussed as below.
The primary reason why people attend college is, as you can think of obviously, increasing their knowledge. People want to gain a higher state of academic achievement by going college. They do this because student who would like to study such as physics and math and literature should learn in college. College has experienced professors who can teach you and help you when you have problem with studying. Not only that they have labs that you can practice some lab research and also has library that is accumulated with a great deal of academic volumes and magazines. Getting class from teachers and using the infrastructures in school is key parts in studying high level’s learning. Besides, they can also learn and master their skills for arts. Fine arts and music needs skills for people and student practice and practice their painting skill or singing or violin skill. By improving the skills they could be closer to an artist that they desire to become.
Another main motive people go to college is for career preparation. In this competitive era, companies seek for more talented and brilliant young men while raising their bar for entering. And college graduates get more welcoming from corporation. According to a research, there are more and valuable job positions for graduates than high school graduates. It is simple to think why people go to college considering this era when unemployment of the young is pointing high and is increasing day by day. On top of that, universities actually try hard for their student to get them hired. Schools provides various and helpful programs. For example, my college offers foreign language course and simulating interview programs. And many seniors are using those intensely and desperately.
All in all, people attend college to acquire more academic achievement. In addition, due to higher hiring standards of companies for job seeker, and many schools aids and proactive attitude to job-seeking help students to get them find a good job and is the reason why people enroll college.