Please evaluate my task 1 IELTS writing (Cambridge 15-test4)

Question

The pie chart illustrates the jobs chose by Anthropology students after their graduation from one university and the table provides information about the anthropologists’ income after five years of working.

Overall, most anthropology fresh graduates have full-time work and the highest payment (more than 100000 dollars) was received mostly by employees in the government sector after 5 years.

Looking at the pie chart, more than 50 percent of anthropology grads work as full-time staff after finishing their courses, which is nearly four times as high as those work part-time (15 percent). The share of unemployment ranks third with 12 percent. Those who enter full-time postgraduate study, work part-time combining with further education, and have unknown jobs only account for a modest proportion, less than a quarter in total.

Regarding the table, freelance consultants receive relatively high salaries after 5 years. 8 out of 10 people have more than 75000 dollars while only a fifth of them receive less than 75000 dollars. Similarly, workers in the government field are also paid in the same manner. In contrast, 55 percent of anthropologists who work for private companies get the payment of more than 75000 dollars and 45 percent of them earn less than 75000 dollars in salary after 5-year devotion.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

You did not read my advice, did you?

https://www.englishforums.com/English/IeltsTaskHintsTipsAdvice/bxgnkx/post.htm

AlpheccaStars · Answer

You need to pay more attention to the accuracy and precision of your statements.

The pie chart illustrates (wrong word - read my advice) the jobs (wrong word. Unemployment is not a job. Would a person chose to be unemployed after graduating?) chose (wrong form) by Anthropology students after their graduation from one university and the table provides information about (That is very vague. What is in the table?) the anthropologists’ income after five years of working.

Overall, most (Poor word choice. "Most" would be 80 percent or more.) anthropology fresh graduates (not a good phrase) have full-time work and the highest payment (more than 100000 dollars) was received mostly by employees in the government sector after 5 years. (That is not a particularly good "main feature". The better observation is that the sector with the highest average pay is government.)

~~Looking at the pie chart,~~ (see my advice) more than 50 percent (That is not very precise. 87 percent is more than 50 percent, isn't it? Better: a bare majority; a little over half, or best, fifty-two percent.) of anthropology grads work as full-time staff after finishing their degrees ~~courses~~, which is nearly four times as high as those work (ungrammatical clause structure) part-time (15 percent). (Not quite right. Twenty percent worked part-time and a quarter of these also were enrolled in postgraduate studies..) The share of unemployment (Not very good English. Twelve percent did not find employment and did not go on to postgraduate studies.) ~~ranks third with 12 percent~~. Those who enter full-time postgraduate study, work part-time combining with further education, and have unknown jobs (Incorrect. Their employment status is unknown, not their jobs. ) only account for a modest proportion, less than a quarter in total.

~~Regarding the table,~~ freelance consultants receive relatively high salaries after 5 years. 8 (Do not begin a sentence with a digit.) out of 10 ~~people~~ ~~have~~ earn more than 75000 dollars while only a fifth of them receive less than 75000 dollars. (Incorrect. A salary of $12000 is less than $75000, isn't it? ) Similarly, workers in the government ~~field~~ are also paid in the same manner. (That is incorrect. The salary distribution is different.) In contrast, 55 percent of anthropologists who work for private companies get ~~the payment~~ (Incorrect usage. A payment is a one-time exchange of money. I make a car payment once a month.) an annual income of more than 75000 dollars and 45 percent of them earn less than 75000 dollars (incorrect. A salary of $8000 is less than $75,000.) in salary after 5-year devotion. (wrong phrase.)

Example essay:

The pie chart gives the proportion of the Anthropology graduates of a particular university who, after graduating, went on to one of each of six destinations, such as employment, part-time work and post-graduate studies. The accompanying table provides the salary distributions (in four ranges) for anthropologists with five years of working experience in each of three employment sectors: government, consultancy and private companies.

Overall, the majority of the new graduates (52%) find full-time employment and an additional 20% do part-time work with or without some postgraduate studies. After five years of experience, anthropologists have salaries of at least $25,000, and quite a few earn over $100,000.

In detail, six in ten found full-time occupations after graduating. Most of this group (about 86%) were employed, and the rest went on to full-time postgraduate studies. One in five did part-time work, and of this group, one-quarter (25%) were enrolled in postgraduate studies. Of the remaining, twelve percent were unemployed, and the status of another 8% was unknown. After five years of experience, anthropologists can expect to earn salaries of over $100,000 per annum, especially in government positions, where half earn this much or more. Private companies, on average, pay the least, but still more than half (55%) make over $75,000. This can be compared with private consultancy, where 8 out of ten earn more than $75,000.

Car hat 224 · Answer

The pie chart illustrates the percentage of what Anthropology graduates from one university did after their graduation. The table reveals the earned income they make after 5 years’ work according to three kinds of employment. Overall, in the first graph, most of the graduates worked fulltime after finishing university while the table shows that those who rendered work for 5 years earn a different range in payment in various work sectors.

According to the pie chart, among the six destinations provided, a little over half of the alumni went straight on to working fulltime. Part-time workers garnered the second place with 15%. Surprisingly, the rate of unemployed graduates came in third with 12%. Two sections, full-time postgrad study, and unknown, have the same 8% result while only 5% of the responders said that they work part-time while studying postgrad.

As for salaries, ten and 35 percent of private employees earn from 25 thousand to almost 75 thousand dollars. In contrast, less than half of freelancers receive a monthly payment of more than 75 thousand dollars and above. Interestingly, there are exactly 50 percent of Anthropologists working in the government who are paid with the ceiling rate of over 100 thousand dollars.

Asha 2 · Answer

The pie chart illustrates what was done by graduates of anthropology at the completion of their undergraduate degree program from a particular university while the table provides information about the earnings of the anthropologists at the end of a five year work period. Overall, it can be seen that the percentage of graduates that did full time jobs were the highest and a greater proportion of them earned above $100,000.

To begin, a greater number of anthropology graduates were involved in full-time jobs while minority worked part time and underwent full time post graduate studies. Some others, while working part time included part time studies and the rest were unemployed. Slightly above half of these graduates worked full-time while, 12% were unemployed. Furthermore, a very small number while working part time also went to school of postgraduate studies whereas some of them studied full time. Finally, what 8% of these degree holders did at the completion of their program were not known.

However, the salaries of anthropology graduates following the end of a five year working period varied from $25,000 to $100,000 and above. 5% of the graduates that were freelance consultants and those in government sector were paid between $25,000 and $49,999 being the lowest paid while, 40% and 50% of them earned over $100,000 respectively. A quarter of anthropologists working in private companies had their salaries within the range of $75,000 to $99,000. Freelancers and graduates working in government owned organizations accounted for 15% of those that were paid between $50,000 and $74,999.

Please evaluate my task 1 IELTS writing (Cambridge 15-test4)

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