Please evaluate my task 1 IELTS writing (Cam7-test2)

Question

The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph compares the amount of four different protein sources (beef, chicken, lamb and fish) consumed in a country in Europe over a period from 1979 to 2004.

Overall, chicken consumption increased and overtook as the most favored type of meat in this nation. In contrast, the figure for the other three types of ingredients decreased during the same period shown.

In 1979, beef was the most consumed among four categories of protein, which is almost 4 times as high as the consumption of fish (220 grams compared with 60 grams per person per week). The amount of chicken and lamb eaten was roughly tied at 150 grams per person per week in the same year.

From 1979 to 2004, the consumption of chicken rose sharply and reached a peak at 260 grams each person per week. By contrast, the number for beef reduced significantly to only 110 grams in the last year of the period. Likewise, there was a remarkable decline in the amount of lamb used from 150 grams to around 50 grams for each person weekly. The fish consumption was lowest and it also fell slightly by about 15 grams per person per week.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The line graph compares the amount of four different protein sources (beef, chicken, lamb and fish) consumed, in grams per person per week, in a country in Europe over a the period from 1979 to 2004.

Overall, chicken consumption increased and overtook the other

Overall, chicken consumption increased and overtook the others as the most favored type of meat ~~in this nation~~. In contrast, the ~~figure for~~ amounts of the other three types of ingredients (wrong word. Ingredients are different items that make a dish.) decreased ~~during the same period shown~~.

In 1979, beef was the most consumed among the four ~~categories of protein~~, which is almost 4 times as high as the consumption of fish (220 grams compared with 60 grams per person per week). The amount of chicken and lamb eaten was roughly equal ~~tied~~ (tied is used for scores in games like football.) at 150 grams per person per week ~~in the same year~~.

From 1979 to 2004, the consumption of chicken rose sharply and reached a peak (There is no peak for chicken. There is a peak for beef, in 1983, and that is the only peak on this graph.) maximum at 260 grams ~~each~~ per person per week. By contrast, ~~the number~~ (wrong word. ) ~~for~~ amount of beef reduced significantly to only 110 grams in the last year of the period. Likewise, there was a ~~remarkable~~ decline in the amount of lamb ~~used~~ eaten (We do not use food, we eat it) from 150 grams to around 50 grams for each person weekly. The fish consumption was lowest and it also fell slightly by about 15 grams per person per week.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Sample essay

In Task 1, you get a lot of extra points for combining categories and making comparisons instead of just copying numbers from the graphic to your paragraphs. In this graph, there is an opportunity to compare the total amount of these protein sources that people ate at the beginning versus the end. Also, you can calculate the percentage of the total for some of the meats.

The line graph compares the amounts of beef, chicken, lamb and fish that people in a European country ate over the 25-year period, 1979 to 2004. The units of measure on the plot are grams (of meat) per person per week.

Overall, people consumed more in 2004 than they did in 1979; a total of about 570 grams per week in 2004 compared to 460 in 1979. The increase was dominated by chicken, since it went up as beef and lamb declined markedly, and fish slightly. Fish was the least popular protein source, and stayed in a narrow range throughout the period.

In detail, beef was the most popular from 1979-1989, but was overtaken by chicken around 1990 at 200 gm/week. After that, chicken became the most popular of the four; at the end of the period, people ate more than two and a half times as much chicken (250 gm) per week as beef, which fell to second place (100 gm). Consumption of lamb fell by more than 50%, from 150 to about 60 gm/week. Finally, in last place was fish, which varied within the narrow range of 40-60 gm/week).

Please evaluate my task 1 IELTS writing (Cam7-test2)

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