Please evaluate my ielts writing task 2 essay

People are consuming more and more sugar-based drinks. Why? What can be done to reduce sugary drink consumption?

The consumption of sugary beverages is now on the increase. This arising problem can be attributed to two key factors, yet it could be curbed through educational commercials and a higher tax rate.

To begin with, it is the excessive promotion of sugar-based drinks that cause the high consumption of those products. In reality, advertisements for soft drinks can be found in any places such as commercial breaks, magazines or sport competitions with the featuring of many iconic figures. The example of Pepsi’s drinks that carry endorsement from famous singers has shown that a wise invest in celebrity branding can significantly stimulate consumers’ curiosity and encourage them to buy featured products. In addition, sweetened beverages often contain a number of addictive substances such as caffeine which can provide an instant energy boost, making people stay focus and become over reliant on soft drinks in the long term. The consumers therefore will find it difficult to quit drinking because of the withdrawal symptoms.

There are several actions that the government could take to solve this problem. Firstly, raising tax on sugar-based products seems a stopgap measure as it makes them less affordable for certain groups of consumers, including small children. Besides, enhancing people’s awareness would help in combatting the heavy marketing of soft drinks, such as adding health warnings on labels, as in the case of tobacco products, or launching educational campaigns in schools.

In conclusion, although the promotion of soft drinks and addictive properties in the products have resulted in increased sales, effective steps can be taken to reserve this trend.