Please evaluate my ielts writing task 1

Question

The given diagram explains the way in which hydroelectricity is produced in an electrical energy power plant. In general, the process begins with water filling in the tank and ends with transmitting power lines to the national grid. The whole station requirements consist of three features: the high-level container, the power station that involves a generator and turbines and the low-level reservoir.

During the day, the intake underneath the dam opens, allowing the water from the high-level tank to generate electricity and enter the power station. The reversible turbines are activated to operate the generator, afterwards,
the power lines which are connected to the generator are converted into a national grid to provide electricity and also force water through the lower reservoir.

When the night comes, the turbines create a pump that withdraws the water from the low-level container via pipe flow up to the higher reservoir. The intake remains closed throughout the night.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Most of your description is incorrect because you are not using verbs correctly,

The ~~given~~ (given / provided diagram is not natural English. The participles are most often in the postposition, e.g. The diagram provided .... but that is too much and it is best not to use these modifiers at all. ) diagram explains the way in which electricity ~~hydroelectricity~~ (electricity. Once the electricity has entered the grid, it is not colored by its source.) is produced in ~~an electrical energy~~ power plant. (You are violating a basic rule of paragraphing here. The first paragraph topic is "describe the diagram". The second paragraph is "describe the main features.. Essay paragraphs must have on main topic. It is bad writing to smash two paragraphs together. Put an empty line here.) In general, the process begins with water filling in the tank and ends with transmitting power lines (The power line is the high-tension wire that conducts electricity. The plant does not transmit wires!) to the national grid. The whole station ~~requirements~~ (wrong usage) consist of three features: the high-level container, (wrong usage) the power station ~~that involves~~ with a generator and turbines and the low-level reservoir.

During the day, the intake valve underneath the dam opens, allowing the water from the high-level tank (wrong word) to generate electricity and (wrong. The water does not generate electricity. The pressure of the water flow turns the turbine that is connected to the generator. The generator creates an electric current.) enter the power station. The reversible turbines are activated to operate the generator, afterwards,
the power lines which are connected to the generator are converted into a national grid (incorrect description. The wires do not change to be a grid. ) to provide electricity and also force water through the (incorrect description.) lower reservoir.

When ~~the~~ night comes, the turbines create a pump (incorrect description. ) that withdraws the water from the low-level container (incorrect word.) via pipe flow up to the higher reservoir. The intake remains closed throughout the night.

Example essay:

The diagram illustrates how a hydroelectric power station produces electricity using the natural gravitational flow of water.

Overall, there are two different process taking place in the power plant, one during the daytime and the other at night. During the day it employs the kinetic energy of flowing water to drive turbines which are connected to generators. The generators produce electricity and deliver it to the national grid.

In detail, in the electricity production phase, water stored in a high-level reservoir behind a dam flows through open intake valves under the dam down to the reversible turbines via a long tunnel (penstock). The pressure of the flow rotates the turbines which operate the generator which, in turn, produces electricity. The electricity is transmitted to the national grid via power lines. The water, having lost its kinetic energy, is retained in a low-level reservoir.

At night, the intake valves are closed and the turbines pump some of the water in the lower reservoir back to the upper reservoir to refill it for the next day's operation.

Here are some other diagrams which illustrate the process better.

Please evaluate my ielts writing task 1

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