Please evaluate my IELTS task 1 (table)

Question

Cam 10 Test 2Two tables show revenue of Fairtrade-labelled bananas and coffee in 1999 and 2004 in five European countries (in millions of euros).Overall, it is immediately apparent that UK and Switzerland have the highest sales in coffee and bananas, respectively.Analyzing the first table, we can see that though UK’s coffee revenue in 1999 was 1,5 but this figure rose dramatically to reach 20 in five years later and overtook 4 other countries. Switzerland’s sale of coffee was twice as UK in 1999, became the country had the 2nd highest revenue (6 million euros in 2004). Belgium is the third country with the biggest increase, from 1 in 1999 to 1.7 in 2004. Both Denmark and Sweden rise were just 0.2 and their figure in 1999, 2004 were around 2, 1, respectively.From the second table we can see that Switzerland’s bananas sale was far exceeded other countries in this 5-year period (15 in 1999 and 47 in five years later). The second position belonged to UK which UK’s figure was 1 in 1999 and increased to 5.5 in 2004. Belgium’s statistic was just under UK (0,6 in 1999 and 4 in the next five years). Denmark and Sweden almost shared the same statistics. Although these countries ranked 2nd and 3rd in 1999, their figure decreased from around 2 in 1999 to 1 in 2004.TRANSLATE with  x  EnglishArabicHebrewPolishBulgarianHindiPortugueseCatalanHmong DawRomanianChinese SimplifiedHungarianRussianChinese TraditionalIndonesianSlovakCzechItalianSlovenianDanishJapaneseSpanishDutchKlingonSwedishEnglishKoreanThaiEstonianLatvianTurkishFinnishLithuanianUkrainianFrenchMalayUrduGermanMalteseVietnameseGreekNorwegianWelshHaitian CreolePersian        TRANSLATE with  COPY THE URL BELOW  a id="TwitterLink" title="Share on Twitter"&gt;  - id="FacebookLink" title="Share on Facebook"&gt;      Back  EMBED THE SNIPPET BELOW IN YOUR SITE  Enable collaborative features and customize widget: http://www.bing.com/widget/translatorBack

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

I do not understand the "translate" table. Did you write this essay in Ukrainian, Polish, Korean or some other language and then use Google Translate to convert it to English?

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AlpheccaStars · Answer

The two tables, one for bananas and one for coffee, show revenue (wrong word) of these Fairtrade-labelled ~~bananas and coffee~~ products in 1999 and 2004 in five European countries (in millions of euros). (What are the countries?)

Overall, ~~it is immediately apparent that~~ (useless words. Delete) the UK and Switzerland have the highest sales (that is incorrect. There are no coffee or banana plantations in either of these countries. Those foods do not grow in a temperate climate. ) in coffee and bananas, respectively.

~~Analyzing the first table, we can see that though~~ (useless words. Delete) The UK’s coffee revenue (That is totally wrong. The UK did not receive any income from selling coffee.) in 1999 was 1,5 but ~~this figure~~ it rose dramatically to reach 20 in five years later and overtook 4 other countries. (The reader is very confused. What are these four countries? India? China? Yugoslavia? You have never named the countries. Also, do not use numerals for quantities that are not data values. Use words, e.g. "Four " ) Switzerland’s sale of coffee (Incorrect. This country does not grow any coffee. ) as twice as UK (ungrammatical) in 1999, became the country had the 2^nd highest revenue (Ungrammatical clause structure) (6 million euros in 2004). Belgium is the third country with the biggest increase, from 1 in 1999 to 1.7 in 2004. Both Denmark and Sweden rise (wrong expression.) were just 0.2 and their figure (wrong word) in 1999, 2004 were around 2, 1, respectively.

~~From the second table we can see tha~~t Switzerland’s bananas sale was far exceeded other countries (wrong verb form, incorrect information) in this 5-year period (15 in 1999 and 47 in five years later). The second position belonged to UK which UK’s figure (wrong usage) was 1 in 1999 and increased to 5.5 in 2004. Belgium’s statistic (wrong word) was just under UK (0,6 in 1999 and 4 in the next five years). Denmark and Sweden almost shared the same statistics. (wrong expression) Although these countries ranked 2^nd and 3^rd in 1999, their figure (wrong form) decreased from around 2 in 1999 to 1 in 2004.

There are many mistakes here.

1. The country is "The UK", meaning The United Kingdom. "the" is part of the name and must be included in writing.

2. You were confused by the Fairtrade companies, located in South America and Africa, which get their revenue from selling their produce to the European countries. The European countries bought bananas and coffee. They did not sell them.

3. There are numerous grammatical errors, such as not using plural forms for nouns, and incorrect verb forms. There were sentences with incorrect dependent clause structures.

4. There are also vocabulary issues. Read the links about misused words such as "figure." It is a valid use in this particular task, but generally should be avoided until you are very very familiar with the context where it is ok.

Sample essay

The two tables, the first for bananas and the the second for coffee, list the sales of these Fairtrade agricultural products in 1999 and 2004 to five nations in the European Union: the UK, Switzerland, Belgium, Denmark, and Sweden.

Overall, sales of both products went up in the four countries over the period. The exceptions were the sales of bananas to Denmark, and both products to Sweden.

In detail, 30.7 million euros worth of coffee were sold to these countries in 2004 compared to 8.1 in 1999, a difference of 22.6 million euros. Eighty percent of this increase was due to the UK, which spent an additional 18.5 million, 20 million versus 1.5 million. Switzerland contributed most of the rest; it bought twice as much in 2004 (6 million euros) than in 1999. In 2004, these countries spent 58.4 million euros on bananas, about triple the amount of 1999, 20.4 million. Switzerland was responsible for the largest part (about 85%) of that increase, spending 15 million in 1999 and 47 in 2004. The UK and Belgium accounted for the rest, 4.5 and 3.5 million euros, respectively.

Please evaluate my IELTS task 1 (table)

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