Please evaluate my IELTS essay (TASK 2)

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children).
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

My essay:

It is claimed that high school curriculum should contain an amount of unpaid services as a compulsory activity. From my perspective, I totally support that kind of view due to the numerous benefits it will bring to each individual and the whole society.

On the one hand, some unpaid community services may contribute to the full development of high school students. First, they have more exposure to the real world experience which they heard frequently from their teachers in some subjects at school. As a result, they have more opportunities to enrich their world’s view and become good citizens. Second, some activities relating to teaching and delivering knowledge to children in some deprived areas, for example, can make students enhance both their soft skills and hard skills such as presentation, collaboration and communication. Those skills, consequently, can be applied in their real life and be constructive to their careers in the future.

Moreover, I believe that those services applied in high schools can contribute to a better community. Some respected volunteering organizations can save a great amount of time and energy to find volunteers for their projects due to the availability of human resources from high schools. In addition, a number of socially-disadvantaged children, for example, may have chances to access education or extend their range of knowledge. In fact, the more children have access to education, the better human civilization we will make.

In conclusion, for all the reasons mentioned above, I am reaffirming that I absolutely agree with the integration of unpaid community services beside some academic subjects to high school programmes.