Please evaluate general training task 2 - essay

Question

Can someone please evaluate my essay? Q:- Some people think women should be allowed to join the army, the navy and the air force just like men. To what extend do you agree or disagree?It is thought by a certain section of society that defence forces should allow joining of female members along with the men. I hold the opposite view. In the following paragraphs, I will discuss its reasons along with my explanation.To start with, women are not considered as physically strong as men, and therefore most of the woman, would not able to use the heavier guns. Moreover, in defence forces, it is required sometimes to lift the large equipments, which would require great efforts. In addition to this, there may be circumstances where some female members have to fight bodily with arms and sometimes they would have to face men, who would be very hard to defeat. Furthermore, according to a recent study done in America it was found that women are not capable to doing riskier jobs like army, navy and air force because they are less powerful.To add more, women are very emotional as compared to men, and therefore they might feel depressed when their companion dies. Hence, they would not able to concentrate properly. Additionally, women with children would not able to give their best as their minds will be on to their children. Due to their emotional nature, they may get angry faster but in certain situations patience may be required. What is more, killing enemies would be hard for many women as women are very sensitive.In conclusion, women should not be allowed to join the security forces as they are physically weak and emotional as compared to men.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Arshpal SinghQ:- Some people think women should be allowed to join the army, the navy and the air force just like men. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is thought by a certain section of society that military ~~defence~~ forces should allow ~~joining of~~ female members to serve along with the men. I hold the opposite view. ~~In the following paragraphs, I will discuss its reasons along with my explanation.~~

Never mention your essay, your writing or what you are going to tell the reader in a formal essay.

To start with, women are not considered as physically strong as men, and therefore most of the woman,(wrong form) would not able (wrong verb form) to use the heavier guns. Moreover, in defence forces, it is required sometimes to lift the large equipments, (wrong form) which would require great efforts. (wrong form) In addition to this, there may be circumstances where some female members have to fight ~~bodily~~ with arms and sometimes they would have to face men, who would be very hard to defeat. Furthermore, according to a recent study done in America (DO you have a reference to that study?) it was found that women are not capable to (wrong word) doing riskier jobs like army, navy and air force (Those are not jobs. They are branches of the military.). because they are less powerful. (Really? Then why are women are allowed to serve in all of the armed forces in the US, including combat roles? Historically, the air force has had the highest percentage of enlisted and officer women; however, by 2016, the navy had nearly caught up. In both services, approximately one in five enlisted members and officers are women. In 2016, the Defense Department lifted all restrictions on the roles women can perform in the military. When you make a statement in an academic essay, make sure that it is accurate.)

To add more, women are very emotional as compared to men, and therefore they might feel depressed when their companion dies. Hence, they would not able to concentrate properly. Additionally, women with children would not able to give their best as their minds will be on to their children. Due to their emotional nature, they may get angry faster but in certain situations patience may be required. What is more, killing enemies would be hard for many women as women are very sensitive.

In conclusion, women should not be allowed to join the security forces as they are physically weak and emotional as compared to men.

Anonymous · Answer

Arshpal SinghQ:- Some people think women should be allowed to join the army, the navy and the air force just like men.

Do you know the difference between mentioning particular things and things in general? For example, someone can say that they like dogs. This will mean dogs in general and therefore, there would be no need to mention all the different kinds of dogs.

The same idea applies here. You should replace the yellow part with the term armed forces, or military in American English. See the introduction of the article here https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Military

Arshpal SinghTo what extend

extent.

Arshpal Singhdefence forces

You can use this but, in general, it's not as common as the term armed forces.

Arshpal Singhshould allow joining of female ~~members~~

Should allow females to join.

You need to delete the last word because when people join armed forces they are generally known as recruits https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/recruit?topic=supporters-members-and-defenders#cald4-1-2-1 , not members. Before that they are known as civilians.

Please evaluate general training task 2 - essay

Can someone please evaluate my essay?

Q:- Some people think women should be allowed to join the army, the navy and the air force just like men. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions