Please edit funding request letter

Hi I'm writing a litter asking businesses to help me fund my college education. I am tring to make it brief, detailed, and delete as much irrelevant and repetitive information as possible. Should I ask for a specific amount of money from the contributor? Please give me your best opinions and or recommendations about it. Thanks in advance!

My name is … and I am a 2008 honors graduate of …... I have been accepted to (university), where I plan to further my education. (University) is a prestigious, highly selective, college that prepares students to change the world. Its liberal arts education empowers students to excel intellectually, think creatively, serve wholeheartedly, act globally, and lead boldly.
I am currently seeking financial sponsors to help me with tuition, and hope I can count on your support. In case you haven’t heard of (University), please allow me to share some history with you. Missionaries taught the first class in the basement of a church in (date). Since it’s founding, (University) has grown to become one of the nation’s prominent institutions for higher learning in the liberal arts tradition. (University) has educated more than six generations of students who have reached the highest levels of academic, community, and professional achievement. (University) has a legacy of empowering students to succeed and to lead.
Personally, I am looking forward to broadening my perspectives of the world and gaining a better understanding of the person I am and who I want to become. By continuing my higher education at (University), I plan to study biology with a concentration in pre-medicine. After completing my foundation studies, I plan to attend medical school to become a physician. I want to become a doctor because I want to help those who are less fortunate, specifically I want to provide my service to alleviate the AIDS epidemic in Africa. That is the essence of being a doctor and why I will be one.
The total funds needed is ($amount) which includes tuition, room and board, living expense, books, supplies,, and transportation. I am asking [number] contributors to each donate [$amount] to help me reach my goal. Is it possible for you to assist me by making a contribution? Any amount of contribution would be greatly appreciated. You can make a check, money order or cashier’s check out to (name). Attached is additional information that outlines my budget and how donations can be made. I can provide proof of attendance and once I graduate my first year I will send the contributors a copy of my certificate.
My program tuition is due (date). I have enclosed a contribution form for your payment reference. Please return it and whatever sum you can contribute to me at the following address.
XXX
Please feel free to contact me at (number) if you need more information. Your generous contribution would enable me to share in this wonderful opportunity. Thank you in advance for your consideration, support, and generous response. I look forward to thanking you for your support, and will of course be writing to let you know how my college experience goes.
Respectfully,
(Name)