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Crazy4mbe Posted 20 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Please Critique My Thesis

Track & Field athletes that use performance-enhancing drugs get an unfair advantage over the athletes that use plain old body made adrenaline

or

The use of performance-enhancing drugs in Track & Field athletes gives them an unfair advantage over the athletes that use their own body made adrenaline.
  

Top answer

Hi, Welcome to the Forum. Track & Field athletes that use performance-enhancing drugs get an unfair advantage over the athletes that use plain old body made adrenaline or The use of performance-enhancing drugs in Track & Field athletes gives them an unfair advantage over the athletes that use their own body made adrenaline. #1 does not sound sufficiently formal for a written thesis.

  • Hi, Welcome to the Forum.
  • Track & Field athletes that use performance-enhancing drugs get an unfair advantage over the athletes that use plain old body made adrenaline or The use of performance-enhancing drugs in Track & Field athletes gives them an unfair advantage over the athletes that use their own body made adrenaline.
  • #1 does not sound sufficiently formal for a written thesis.
  • The use of performance-enhancing drugs by some track and field athletes gives them an unfair advantage over those athletes who rely only on their natural adrenaline.
  • Best wishes, Clive
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1 Answers
0
Hi,

Welcome to the Forum.

Track & Field athletes that use performance-enhancing drugs get an unfair advantage over the athletes that use plain old body made adrenaline

or

The use of performance-enhancing drugs in Track & Field athletes gives them an unfair advantage over the athletes

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