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Vgg Posted 22 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Please Critic my Essay for MIT
Hey everyone,
I need someone to proof read my essay.
I've been continuously revising it and i have to hand in the final draft today
Any suggestions or editing will be awesome
thanks
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_________On a heavy monsoon day, I was walking home from school. The wet ground was filled with puddles and earthworms of all sizes crawled to seek shelter. My rubber gumboots were half-filled with water and I could hear the dripping sound as more water accumulated in them. Soon I reached my building, picked up the mail and ran up to my apartment. Of course, all this time I had an umbrella neatly tucked in my school bag but didn’t use it. I loved getting wet and playing in the rain.
_______ After I reached home, I was excited to get together with my friends. However, the mood in my house wasn’t so cheerful. My parents were talking slowly among themselves. Soon my dad approached me and said, “We will be moving to America”.
_______ Ten months later, around 11:30 AM, I was disembarking the plane at JFK international airport in New York City. My mind comprised of mixed feeling, but I was excited for the most part. Would I be the next Sachin Tendulkar, the youngest cricket player? Or would I be the next Dr. J.C. Bose, the great biologist who proved that plants too could feel? Since I was a child I have been extremely interested in medicine and my dream ever since has been to become a doctor. I optimistically looked at the future convinced that there would be myriad of opportunities to learn more about medicine in America.
_______ School soon started. Once, when we played baseball in Physical Education I accidentally began running with the bat, a funny yet natural mistake since I was used to cricket. From then on I knew I would have to get used the way of life here. So, I began reading extensively and researching information before lectures allowing me to could participate in classes. One change that was prominent, however, was the change in culture. I never really knew whether to follow American or Indian culture. Upon receiving a 99 on a test, my parents would always question where the one point went, forcing me to recap on my mistakes. Most of my teachers, on the other hand, would congratulate me and then advise me to loosen up a bit. I continued to be influenced by both cultures because of school in the morning and the time at home. However, I consider myself fortunate to have the opportunity of experiencing two cultures at once. I have now learned to emulate the best of both. Instead of just math and science, I also became an expert at dancing and leading. I continue to work hard, yet have fun and feel satisfied. The experience of two cultures has created a unique personality for me and helped me become a well-rounded person.
_______ My dreams and aspiration have not been shaped overnight. They have developed progressively and my immigration experience has played a major role in shaping my dreams. As a child I was extremely interested in medicine. Upon arriving in this country, I noticed the quality of service and health care available to the citizens and contrasted it with others countries I had visited. I felt a desire to improve the conditions and this strengthened my already present passion for the field. As I grew older, this love has grown stronger because of the increased exposed to the field. Job shadow days with doctors, hospital and other volunteer works, blood drives, biotechnology camp, and internships at Vassar Hospital and Sloan Kettering Hospital have all added to my passion for the field of medicine. My parents have given me the greatest opportunity and resources by immigrating to America, which I might not have had in India. My sister once said, "The world has not shaped you, but in fact you have shaped the world around yourself." When I think back and reflect on the years that have passed by, I know I have been successful, however, the journey is not yet over. There is still the ultimate goal to achieve – the day when I fulfill my dream and become a doctor.
I need someone to proof read my essay.
I've been continuously revising it and i have to hand in the final draft today
Any suggestions or editing will be awesome
thanks
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
_________On a heavy monsoon day, I was walking home from school. The wet ground was filled with puddles and earthworms of all sizes crawled to seek shelter. My rubber gumboots were half-filled with water and I could hear the dripping sound as more water accumulated in them. Soon I reached my building, picked up the mail and ran up to my apartment. Of course, all this time I had an umbrella neatly tucked in my school bag but didn’t use it. I loved getting wet and playing in the rain.
_______ After I reached home, I was excited to get together with my friends. However, the mood in my house wasn’t so cheerful. My parents were talking slowly among themselves. Soon my dad approached me and said, “We will be moving to America”.
_______ Ten months later, around 11:30 AM, I was disembarking the plane at JFK international airport in New York City. My mind comprised of mixed feeling, but I was excited for the most part. Would I be the next Sachin Tendulkar, the youngest cricket player? Or would I be the next Dr. J.C. Bose, the great biologist who proved that plants too could feel? Since I was a child I have been extremely interested in medicine and my dream ever since has been to become a doctor. I optimistically looked at the future convinced that there would be myriad of opportunities to learn more about medicine in America.
_______ School soon started. Once, when we played baseball in Physical Education I accidentally began running with the bat, a funny yet natural mistake since I was used to cricket. From then on I knew I would have to get used the way of life here. So, I began reading extensively and researching information before lectures allowing me to could participate in classes. One change that was prominent, however, was the change in culture. I never really knew whether to follow American or Indian culture. Upon receiving a 99 on a test, my parents would always question where the one point went, forcing me to recap on my mistakes. Most of my teachers, on the other hand, would congratulate me and then advise me to loosen up a bit. I continued to be influenced by both cultures because of school in the morning and the time at home. However, I consider myself fortunate to have the opportunity of experiencing two cultures at once. I have now learned to emulate the best of both. Instead of just math and science, I also became an expert at dancing and leading. I continue to work hard, yet have fun and feel satisfied. The experience of two cultures has created a unique personality for me and helped me become a well-rounded person.
_______ My dreams and aspiration have not been shaped overnight. They have developed progressively and my immigration experience has played a major role in shaping my dreams. As a child I was extremely interested in medicine. Upon arriving in this country, I noticed the quality of service and health care available to the citizens and contrasted it with others countries I had visited. I felt a desire to improve the conditions and this strengthened my already present passion for the field. As I grew older, this love has grown stronger because of the increased exposed to the field. Job shadow days with doctors, hospital and other volunteer works, blood drives, biotechnology camp, and internships at Vassar Hospital and Sloan Kettering Hospital have all added to my passion for the field of medicine. My parents have given me the greatest opportunity and resources by immigrating to America, which I might not have had in India. My sister once said, "The world has not shaped you, but in fact you have shaped the world around yourself." When I think back and reflect on the years that have passed by, I know I have been successful, however, the journey is not yet over. There is still the ultimate goal to achieve – the day when I fulfill my dream and become a doctor.
Top answer
Just the glaring errors. all sizes *crawling to seek shelter. ).
- Just the glaring errors.
- all sizes *crawling to seek shelter.
- ).
- Note: btw, what does the rain have to do with your goal in life?
- _______ After I reached home, I *really wanted to get together with my friends.
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1 Answers
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Just the glaring errors.
all sizes *crawling to seek shelter. My rubber gumboots were half-filled with water and I could hear the dripping sound as more water accumulated in *them (what are them???).
Note: btw, what does the rain have to do with your goal in life?
_______ After I reached home, I *really wanted to get together with my friends. However, my *pla
all sizes *crawling to seek shelter. My rubber gumboots were half-filled with water and I could hear the dripping sound as more water accumulated in *them (what are them???).
Note: btw, what does the rain have to do with your goal in life?
_______ After I reached home, I *really wanted to get together with my friends. However, my *pla
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