Please could you check my essay writing ielts task 2

topic:Some people think that people who choose a job early and keep doing it are more likely to have a satisfying career life than those who frequently change jobs.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that people keeping to one career path are more likely to have a fulfilling working life than those who try various jobs. While this thinking is valid to a certain extent, I believe that people who experiment with different careers also have some interesting experiences in their life.

On the one hand, there are many compelling reasons why people committing their whole life to a job tend to have a flowing working life. Firstly, They may gain more promotion opportunities because when they contribute to an organization for a prolonged period of time they will acquire professional experience and practical skills. For example, an employee working in the sales department for 10 years will have a chance to be promoted to sales manager rather than a new staff member. Secondly, the employee pursues one career and tries their best so as to be recognised by employers. Because leaders who will look at how you work and contribute to their company in order to evaluate your ability to work. If they recognize you for doing well then you will get a decent salary.

On the other hand, the current trend, young people who have an adventurous spirit and get bored easily may greatly enjoy job-hopping. For instance, these people will experiment various careers making them realize their calling, that is what they really want to be. Moreover, people exploring a range of different career paths give them a sense of satisfaction. Because they will feel very constrained and uncomfortable unless they get to experience many different jobs and discover many new things in those positions.

In conclusion, many people choose to make a commitment to a particular job, leading them to a content working life. While others tend to try various jobs in order to constantly renew themselves and their best version. I believe that each choice has its own validity.