Please, could someone take a look at my essay?? thanks!! :)

Question

Hi everyone, I’ve had some weeks off but now I’m here again trying to enhance my writing.. I have learnt a lot reading the posts on this page. I hope someone can take a look at my essay and tell me about mistakes, errors, and the like.

Thank you very much in advance!!!

Within a few months our driving offences are going to cost more than just money. The bill presenting the Points Driving license was passed 1 year ago and now it is coming into force. Many people think that it’ll be beneficial for us as far as security is concerned. But there are other people who argue that this law could be harmful for people who depend on their cars to make a living.
This essay will examine arguments for and against the coming into force of the Points Driving license.

These days driving a car is a hazardous way of commuting or travelling. Many people don’t obey traffic regulations and driving becomes a very dangerous experience. When I drive to somewhere I can see people doing over 150 on the road. These people endanger the live of other drivers. However, they usually get off with no fine. On the other hand, well-off people are not worry to be fined because they can run to big fines and they don’t care speeding and breaking the law. Points Driving license has been passed to avoid that. Such kind of people can get their driving license taken away when they commit several traffic offences. These offences, depending on how serious are them, will be charged with the loss of a number of points. Losing all the points means losing their driver license. In order to get back their licenses they’ll have to study again the traffic regulations and pass an exam. While they are cramming for their exam they are banned from driving.

People who use their car to make a living ,as taxi drivers and the like, disagree with this law. They think that the law is too tough because you can lose most of your points by committing minor offences. Not to wear the seat-belt or speak by the mobile phone while you are driving can result in the loss of most of your points. Losing their license put down to the loss of all the points means the loss of their jobs.

In conclusion, the coming into force of this new law will make for people thinking twice before speeding or breaking the traffic regulations. In mi view, this kind of license is a good law. I think it’ll curb the death toll due to traffic accidents and the roads will be a safer place to drive.

Julielai · Accepted Answer

Hi XxNADJAxx,

Just my two cents...

Within a few months our driving offences are going to cost more than just money. The bill presenting the Points Driving license was passed 1 year ago and it takes effect January 1, 2007 (or something like that). Many people think that it’ll be beneficial for us as far as security is concerned. But there are other people who argue that this law could be harmful for people who depend on their cars to make a living. This essay will examine arguments for and against the coming into force of the Points Driving license.

These days driving a car is a hazardous way of commuting or travelling. Many people don’t obey traffic regulations and driving becomes a very dangerous experience. When I drive to (no prep.) somewhere I can see people doing over 150 on the road. These people endanger the live (only 1?) of other drivers. However, they usually get off (away)with no fine. On the other hand, well-off people are not worry to be (worried about being) fined because they can run to (rephrase) big fines and they don’t care (preposition) speeding and breaking the law. Points Driving license has been passed to avoid just that. Such kind of people can get their driving license taken away when they commit several traffic offences. These offences, depending on how serious are them, will be (simplify sentence) charged with the loss of a number of points. Losing all the points means losing their driver license. In order to get back their licenses they’ll have to study the traffic regulations again and pass an exam. While they are cramming for their exam they are banned from driving.

People who use their car to make a living ,as (you mean to give an example, right?) taxi drivers and the like, disagree with this law. They think that the law is too tough because you can lose most of your points by committing minor offences. Not to wear (use present participle) the seat-belt or speak (same here) by the mobile phone while you are driving can result in the loss of most of your points. Losing their license put down to the loss of all the points (rephrase) means the loss of their jobs.

In conclusion, the coming into force of this new law will make for people thinking twice before speeding or breaking the traffic regulations. In mi (sp.) view, this kind of license is a good law. I think it’ll curb the death toll due to traffic accidents and the roads will be a safer place to drive.

XxNADJAxx · Answer

Hi julielai Thank you very much for checking my essay. I have still some doubts. I have corrected my essay according to your notes. I have changed some of the expressions and I add some notes explaining why I use them in this context after checking them in my dictionary.

Thank you for your help.

Nadja.

Within a few months our driving offences are going to cost more than just money. The bill presenting the Points Driving license was passed 1 year ago and it takes effect June 1, 2007. Many people think that it’ll be beneficial for us as far as security is concerned. But there are other people who argue that this law could be harmful for people who depend on their cars to make a living. This essay will look at the positive and negative aspects of the Points Driving license.

These days driving a car is a hazardous way of commuting or travelling. Many people don’t obey traffic regulations and driving becomes a very dangerous experience. When I drive somewhere I can see people doing over 150 on the road. These people endanger the lives of other drivers. However, they usually get off with no fine (I mean not to be punished as in e.g. If you're lucky, you'll get off with a fine). On the other hand, well-off people are not worried about being fined because they can run to ( I mean to have enough money to buy something as in e.g. My salary won't run to foreign holidays.) big fines and they don’t care about speeding and breaking the law. Points Driving license has been passed to avoid just that. Such kind of people can get their driving license taken away when they commit several traffic offences. Offenders will be charged with the loss of a number of points depending on how serious the offences are. Losing all the points means losing their driver license. In order to get back their licenses they’ll have to study the traffic regulations again and pass an exam. While they are cramming for their exam they are banned from driving.

People who use their car to make a living ,as (I mean to give an example) taxi drivers and the like, disagree with this law. They think that the law is too tough because you can lose most of your points by committing minor offences. Not wearing the seat-belt or speaking by the mobile phone while you are driving can result in the loss of most of your points. Losing all their points and the ensuing loss of their license could mean the loss of their jobs.

In conclusion, the Points Driving Permission will make for (I mean result in as in e.g. The largest print makes for easier reading) people will think twice before speeding or breaking the traffic regulations. In my view, this kind of driving permission is a good law. I think it’ll diminish the death toll and the roads will be a safer place to drive.

Julielai · Answer

Just a few minor things...

Many people think that it'll be beneficial for us as far as security (not security – sounds like someone’s stealing your car) is concerned.

On the other hand, well-off people are not worried about being fined because they (aux. verb) afford big fines and they don't care about speeding and breaking the law.

Offenders will ________ (one word) a number of points depending on how serious the offences are.

People who use their car to make a living ,_____(add one word) as (wrong use of “as” ) taxi drivers and the like, disagree with this law.

In conclusion, the Points Driving Permission will make for (e.g. makes for easier reading – you’re right, use a participle here) people will think twice before speeding or breaking the traffic regulations. In my view, this kind of driving permission (wording) is a good law. I think it'll diminish (wording) the death toll and the roads will be a safer place to drive.

XxNADJAxx · Answer

Hi Julielai! I have checked and rewritten those mistakes. I hope it's right now.
I'm going to take an english exam within two weeks. I have been learning: vocabulary, pharsal verbs, idioms, collocations for more than 9 months single-handedly and now I'm trying to put them into practice in my writing. If it weren't for you help I couldn't pulish up my writing.
Your help makes a difference.
Thanks again!

Within a few months our driving offences are going to cost more than just money. The bill presenting the Points Driving licence was passed 1 year ago and it takes effect June 1, 2007. Many people think that it’ll be beneficial for us as far as safety is concerned. But there are other people who argue that this law could be harmful for people who depend on their cars to make a living. This essay will look at the positive and negative aspects of the Points Driving license.

These days driving a car is a hazardous way of commuting or travelling. Many people don’t obey traffic regulations and driving becomes a very dangerous experience. When I drive somewhere I can see people doing over 150 on the road. These people endanger the lives of other drivers. However, they usually get off with no fine (I mean not to be punished as in e.g. If you're lucky, you'll get off with a fine). On the other hand, well-off people are not worried about being fined because they can run to ( I mean to have enough money to buy something as in e.g. My salary won't run to foreign holidays.) big fines and they don’t care about speeding and breaking the law. Points Driving licence has been passed to avoid just that. Such kind of people can get their driving license taken away when they commit several traffic offences. Offenders will lose a number of points depending on how serious the offences are. Losing all the points means losing their driver license. In order to get back their licenses they’ll have to study the traffic regulations again and pass an exam. While they are cramming for their exam they are banned from driving.

People who use their car to make a living, like taxi drivers, bus drivers and the like, disagree with this law. They think that the law is too tough because you can lose most of your points by committing minor offences. Not wearing the seat-belt or speaking by the mobile phone while you are driving can result in the loss of most of your points. Losing all their points and the ensuing loss of their license could mean the loss of their jobs.

In conclusion, the Points Driving Permission will make for (I mean result in as in e.g. The largest print makes for easier reading) people will think twice before speeding or breaking the traffic regulations. In my view, such driving licence is a good law. I think it’ll cut the death toll and the roads will be a safer place to drive.

Julielai · Answer

well-off people are not worried about being fined because they can run up big fines

Such kind(s) of people can get their driving license taken away when they commit several traffic offences

Losing all the points means losing their driver's license.

Speaking on the mobile phone or not wearing the seat-belt

In conclusion, the Points Driving Permission will make people (you have two verbs) think twice before speeding or breaking the traffic regulations. In my view, such a driving regulation is a good law. I think it’ll cut the death toll and the roads will be a safer place to drive.

XxNADJAxx · Answer

Thank you Julielai.
I''m writing another essay. I hope it is finished tomorrow. I'll proofread it to correct common mistakes before posting it.

Please, could someone take a look at my essay?? thanks!! :)

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