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PreciousJones Posted 15 years ago
Grammar

Please correct this sentence

Hi,

I'd love to order from you guys, but I'm kind of nervous since it'll be my first patronage. Are there reviews or critics on your service that'd give me more confidence in your business? Please get back to me. Thank you very much.

Please correct this sentence for me.

Thank you!
  

Top answer

It seems too casual for a business transaction. I think you should start again. 'Patronage' is the wrong word here, though.

— Mister Micawber

  • It seems too casual for a business transaction.
  • I think you should start again.
  • 'Patronage' is the wrong word here, though.
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5 Answers
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It seems too casual for a business transaction. I think you should start again. 'Patronage' is the wrong word here, though.
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Hi,

I'd love to order from you guys, but I'm kind of nervous since it'll be my first time ordering. Are there reviews or critics on your service that'd give me more confidence in your business? Please get back to me. Thank you very much.

Please correct sentence above.

Thank you.

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Simply from a proofreading point, critique instead of critic, and don't contract "that would."

As Mr. M says, it's too informal for a business transaction.
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It's just an informal email conversation on placing an order online.

Is it native or grammatically correct though?

Thanks again.

Happpy holidays!
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My proofreading comments are above.
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