Please correct this IELTS essay for me and give me a score. Thanks a lot !!!!!
- When new towns are planned, it is more important to develop public parks or sport facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their freetime in. To what extent, do you agree or disagree ?
It is suggested that town planners should extend more community parks or sport services instead of shopping malls. I find myself in complete disagreement with this idea because these three places are incomparable.
On the one hand, the importance of parks and sports halls in urban planning is crystal clear. Firstly, these places provide a suitable atmosphere and equipment for inhabitants. As a result, they can go there to relax and do the exercise which helps them to keep fit, reduce work-related stress, and elevate their mood. Secondly, going to public parks and sports areas is a golden chance to socialize with neighbors. The reason is people can effectively interact with others to maintain a harmonious relationship between residents and create a caring and friendly neighborhood.
On the other hand, shopping centers also play a vital role in society and they are indispensable in any living region. The first to be mentioned is shopping malls supply residents with enormous varied products that are essential to serving their daily needs like food, clothes, or medicine. It would enable them to easily purchase items in town and transport them home with less time and at a lower cost. In addition, the unemployment rate in the area can be diminished. To explain, town dwellers can find jobs in retails not only to generate income for themselves but also to reduce the burden on the family.
In summary, although public parks and sports halls can satisfy living standards, I believe that shopping malls are equally valuable as they can provide job opportunities and convenience to the locals.
Top answer
This is a well-written essay. It meets all the criteria of academic writing. First, the writer demonstrates a smooth style of writing where ideas are well-connected.
- This is a well-written essay.
- It meets all the criteria of academic writing.
- First, the writer demonstrates a smooth style of writing where ideas are well-connected.
- Secondly, the writer uses a range of good vocabulary and a range of grammatical structures.
- Finally, the thesis is driven and supported well.
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This is a well-written essay. It meets all the criteria of academic writing. First, the writer demonstrates a smooth style of writing where ideas are well-connected. Secondly, the writer uses a range of good vocabulary and a range of grammatical structures. Finally, the thesis is driven and supported well. Thus, this essay scores 7 out of 9.
0[ 1] The process of building modern towns and cities is very complicated. [ 2] Town planners are often faced with challenging choices. They need to provide all kinds of facilities and amenities for the residents. It is suggested
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