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Kyusuke_FD3S Posted 19 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Please correct the language mistake for my 'press release essay'

0Zeon Co.02br
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00For Immediate Release02br
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00Contact: Aaron Tang02br
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00Phone: 338 786502br
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00Fax: 338 123402br
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00NEW ZEON 2205 WITH A NEW GENERATION 02br
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00Penang Island, 30th April 2007 – Mobile phone, Zeon Company, have today announced the release of the new Zeon 2205 mobile phone with a new generation battery.00 02br
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00Recently, our technical support department has received a myriad of customer complaint about our first mobile phone, Zeon 2205. It was discovered that it has faulty rechargeable batteries which drains power after four hours of active use. This is our company launched first mobile phone, unfortunately, it was give a bad impression to the mobile users. Furthermore, Zeon 2205 is not attractive in the market because its quality is not good, and customers will go to buy other brand mobile phone. 02br
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00The sale of this Zeon 2205 was plummeted due to faulty rechargeable battery. So, we carry out an investigation process on the battery accessories components. After that, we have successfully developed a new generation battery. This new generation battery has longer battery life, it able to operate the mobile phone for 100 hours standby time or 50 hours talk time. 02br
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00Our company would like bare the responsibility and compensate. So, our customers are welcome to exchange for a replacement battery at nearest Zeon service center. 02br
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00For more information about this event call Aaron Tang at 338 7865.0-
  

Top answer

10 12br 12br 12br 12br 10Recently, our technical support department has received a myriad of customer 11b 10complaint (plural)12b 10 about our first mobile phone, Zeon 2205. It was discovered that it has faulty rechargeable batteries which drains power after four hours of active use. 12b 10 (11b 10too negative--bad for PR12b 10)Furthermore, 11b 10Zeon 2205 is not attractive in the market because its quality is not good, and customers will go to buy other brand mobile phone.

— Julielai

  • 10 12br 12br 12br 12br 10Recently, our technical support department has received a myriad of customer 11b 10complaint (plural)12b 10 about our first mobile phone, Zeon 2205.
  • It was discovered that it has faulty rechargeable batteries which drains power after four hours of active use.
  • 12b 10 (11b 10too negative--bad for PR12b 10)Furthermore, 11b 10Zeon 2205 is not attractive in the market because its quality is not good, and customers will go to buy other brand mobile phone.
  • 12b 10(11b 10Bad for PR12b 10)12br 12br 12br 12br 11b 10The sale of this Zeon 2205 was plummeted due to faulty rechargeable battery.
  • So, we carry out an investigation process on the battery accessories components.
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3 Answers
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01cite10Kyusuke_FD3S12cite10Zeon Co.12br
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10For Immediate Release12br
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10Contact: Aaron Tang12br
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10Phone: 338 786512br
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10Fax: 338 123412br
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12br
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10NEW ZEON 2205 WITH A NEW GENERATION 12br
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0Oh, thanks for your correction. So, in PR we cannot include any negative points? 02br
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00Try to write more general and positive issues?02br
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00Thanks in advanced.0-
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0 In a press release, you always focus on the positive, or your competitors will use what you say against you. 0-
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