Please correct my writing task 1. Many thanks!

Question

The graph below shows average monthly use of a health club in Miami and Florida by all full time members in 2017. The pie chart shows the age profile of male and female members of this club. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar graph depicts the use of full-time male and female memberships of a health club located in Miami in 2017. The two pie charts compare percentages of those members belonging to several age groups, 21-45, older than 65, and others.

Overall, the total monthly use of women was lower than that of men. Moreover, those who are 21-41 clearly had the largest percentages compared with other age ranges.

In detail, regarding the bar graph, between January and June, both men and women share the similar trend, there were exactly 500 women going to the club in the first two months while the number of men was 50 higher, at 550; it then climbed slightly and peaked at 870 men as opposed to 700 women. From July to December, there were dramatic declines in both genders, the values for women reached a peak of 720 in August and September, but later decreased to 520 which were 100 lower than those of men in the final year.

With regard to the pie charts, men and women in the age groups of 21-45 had overwhelming proportions, at 55% and 50% respectively; it was followed by seniors, summed at 56% of both men and women, which were 17% higher than those of other brackets, at 39% in total.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The bar graph depicts the use of full-time male and female memberships (Use of memberships makes no sense at all. What are these people using? ) of a health club located in Miami in 2017. The two pie charts compare percentages of those members ~~belonging to several~~ in three age groups, 21-45, older than 65, and others.

Overall, the total monthly use of women (Oh dear. If women are used, it means that they are treated rather badly. ) was lower than that of men. Moreover, ~~those who are~~ the 21-41 age group was the largest. ~~clearly had the~~ l~~argest percentages compared with other age ranges~~.

In detail, regarding the bar graph, between January and June, (The reader is confused. You never mentioned any months in the first paragraph.) both men and women share the similar trend, there were exactly 500 women going to the club in the first two months while the number of men was 50 higher, at 550; it then climbed slightly and peaked at 870 men as opposed to 700 women. From July to December, there were dramatic declines in the use of the health club for both men and women ~~in both genders~~, the values for women reached a peak of 720 in August and September, but later decreased to 520 which were 100 lower than those of men in the final year.

With regard to the pie charts, men and women in the age groups of 21-45 had overwhelming proportions, at 55% and 50% respectively; it was followed by seniors, summed at 56% (very bad mistake!.) of both men and women, which were 17% higher than those of other brackets, at 39% in total. (very bad mistake!)

You make a very bad mathematical mistake. Did you ever study charts and graphs in math class?

Here is the mistake.

The total number of men's and women's memberships are not given in the task.
The only thing you know is that there were more than 850 men and more than 720 women, the maximum values on the bar chart.

Let's assume that there were 1200 men members and 1000 women members. Then the pie chart shows 310 senior women (31% of 1000) and 300 senior men (one quarter of 1200). So there were 610 total seniors. Numbers can be added.

But as a percentage of all memberships, both men and women, it is 610/2200 = 27%.

But you wrote that they added to 56%. That is completely incorrect. You cannot possibly calculate the correct percentage, because you have no idea about the total numbers of men and women.

You can sum percentages of different categories on one single pie chart. The total adds up to 100%
You can not sum percentages of categories from different pie charts!

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Sample essay:

The bar chart plots the monthly attendance numbers for men and women at a health club in Miami, Florida in 2017. The two pie charts give the age distribution of the male and female members in three age brackets, adults (21-45), seniors (65 and older) and all others.

Overall, more men than women attended in every month. But the curves for men and women were highly correlated, with lows in the winter months and highs in the summer. Also, their age distributions were quite similar.

In the winter months, December, January and February, an average of 570 men and 500 women used the club. From March through May, 580 women came each month, and an increasing number of men: 590, 650, and 710. Peak season occurred June to September with an average of about 820 men and 710 women. Numbers declined in the fall, but they were higher than in the spring. In terms of age, one-third of the women and a quarter of the men members were seniors; the majority (51-55%) were in the 21-45 age group.

Please correct my writing task 1. Many thanks!

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