Please, correct my text (vacation)

Question

Hello,

I translated a news article. Please, help me to correct my English mistakes.

First version:

Time, sun, calm… Optimums conditions to resource ourselves and make ourselves refilled with love energy. In the vacation program: practical exercises and tests.

Even thought nobody wants to admit, vacation has something agonizing. Like a party which has been waited for so long. If the party is a ruin, the buffet is mediocre, and the guest bored to death? Because the worse is not a difficult year – we are used to it – but spoiled vacation, having to deal with wild children and some intimate exchanges limited to reading the menu of the harbor bar.

The pressure is enormous: not a single magazine which doesn’t praise the merits of the romantic reunion with on the background the Paramount lagoon or which promises nirvana to all the blessed people liberated from the yoke of the daily routine.

Thank you very much,

Spoonfedbaby

Mister Micawber · Accepted Answer

Sorry, SFB-- some of it I don't really understand-- the style is overly... 'literary':

Time, sun, calm… Optimal conditions to recover (?) ourselves and recharge ourselves with energy. The vacation program: practical exercise and tests (?).

Even thought nobody wants to admit it, a vacation can be agonizing, like a party which has been awaited too long and turns out to be a disaster, the buffet mediocre, and the guests bored to death. Because the worst is not a difficult work year – we are used to that – but a spoiled vacation, having to deal with unruly children, and intimate exchanges limited to reading the menu at the harbor bar.

The pressure is enormous: not a single magazine which doesn’t praise the merits of a romantic reunion with a background of a Paramount lagoon or which promises nirvana to all the blessed workers who have been liberated from the yoke of daily routine.

Davkett · Answer

I'll take a crack at it, too. It's a challenge. (What is the original language of the news article?) Is yours a translation from one language to another, or a paraphrasing of an English article?

Time, sun, calm… these are considered as optimal conditions for renewing our energy and passion for life. In the vacation program: practical exercises and tests. [?]

Even though nobody wants to admit it, vacations can be agonizing, like parties with mediocre buffets and boring guests. Spoiled vacations, where you have to deal with bad behaviour in your children and where quality conversations are limited to reading restaurant menus, is worse than a stressful year at work (we are all use to that). The pressure can be enormous.

Every single magazine praises the merits of vacation romance, usually with a picture in the background of a paradisical lagoon, promising nirvana and blessings for all those people needing liberation from the yoke of the daily grind.

SpoonfedBaby · Answer

Thanks so much, Mister Micawber and Davkett. I used your texts to assemble the second version. The original text is a news article in French.

Second version:

Time, sun, calm… these are considered as optimal conditions for renewing our energy and renewing love passion. Here is what we propose for reaching that goal {goal = renewing our energy and renewing love passion}: practical exercises and tests {later on, the article gives exercises and tests}.

Even though nobody wants to admit it, vacations can be agonizing, like parties which have been awaited too long and turn out to be a disaster with mediocre buffets and boring guests. Spoiled vacations, where you have to deal with bad behaviour in your children and where quality conversations are limited to reading restaurant menus, is worse than a stressful year at work (we are all use to that {that= stressful year at work}).

The pressure is enormous: not a single magazine which doesn’t praise the merits of vacation romances, usually with a picture in the background of a Paramount lagoon, or doesn’t promise nirvana to all the blessed workers who have been liberated from the yoke of daily grind.

Spoonfedbaby

Mister Micawber · Answer

considered as -- delete 'as'
delete one of the 'renewing's
'Love passion' doesn't work-- perhaps just 'passion'
comma after 'disaster'
is worse -- change to 'are'
use to -- change to 'used to'
doesn't promise -- delete 'doesn't'

Otherwise, it seems fine to me. Dave?

Davkett · Answer

I'll agree with Mister Micawber's 'fine'. (The 'is worse' was my slip.)

Just make it 'the daily grind' at the end.

SpoonfedBaby · Answer

Thank you so much for your precious help, Davkett and Mister Micawber.

Third Version:

Time, sun, calm… these are considered optimal conditions for renewing our energy and passion in our love life. {I would like to say “our energy” and “passion in our love life” }Here is what we propose for reaching that goal: practical exercises and tests {later on, the article gives exercises and tests}.

Even though nobody wants to admit it, vacations can be agonizing, like parties which have been awaited too long and turn out to be a disaster, with mediocre buffets and boring guests. Spoiled vacations, where you have to deal with bad behaviour in your children and where quality conversations are limited to reading restaurant menus, are worse than a stressful year at work (we are all used to that {that= stressful year at work}).

The pressure is enormous: not a single magazine which doesn’t praise the merits of vacation romances, usually with a picture in the background of a lagoon, or promise nirvana to all the blessed workers who have been liberated from the yoke of the daily grind.

Spoonfedbaby

Eimai_Anglos · Answer

I don't like "quality conversations". The word "quality" is a noun. Do you mean "conversations about quality"? Or perhaps you mean "good quality conversations"?

Davkett · Answer

Hi Eimai-Anglos,

I must be reflecting something from around here (actually something I don't much care for myself, but it's in the public domain now)--'quality time'. Yes, it stands for 'good quality'. I'd personally be happy never to hear it used that way ever again. (Yet I'm the culprit above.)

Mister Micawber · Answer

I think the adjective has been around for a while:

adjective: of high social status (Example: "People of quality")

adjective: of superior grade (Example: "Quality paper")

Albeit the etymological dictionary lists the noun phrase 'quality time' as coming into print only in 1977!

Eimai_Anglos · Answer

"Quality time" seems to be acceptable usage (but still a noun) - ugh. "Quality" by itself is a noun.

I dislike the use of "quality" as an adjective. Imagine using "quantity" as an adjective.
(Yeah, OK, so we say "quantity discount").

Please, correct my text (vacation)

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