PLEASE CORRECT MY TEST

This is the first time I have written writing task 2. It will be helpful if someone corrects my mistake.

TOPIC: Learning a foreign language offers an insight into how people from other cultures think and see the world. The teaching of a foreign language should be compulsory at all primary schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

The content of learning other languages is becoming a controversial issue. Some people believe that the second language should be taught in the curriculum of primary school because of exploring cultures all over the world. In my opinion, I agree with this option for several reasons.
On the one hand, it is true that learning a different language at the early age brings numerous benefits. First of all, youngsters being the age of sixth or seventh easily access a world of knowledge. This is because that they do not suffer the incredible pressure of subjects which are studied at school. Therefore, if teacher encourage children to learn language in the world, they can be curious and practice more at home. Another idea is children do not afraid of making mistakes. Obviously, students who are learning at higher education tend to fear to fail. In other words, children could ask a ton of questions about language subject, which plays an important role in acquiring understanding of learning national language effectively.
On the other hand, learning another language at very young age is also one of key factors influencing fulfill children development. Studying language of other countries means children could enlarge their own knowledge about different culture, costume or local people. As a result, if studying abroad in the future, they can have the ability to adapt to environment and surroundings. Furthermore, the youth can improve their communication skills when still studying at primary school. The English contest, for example, is held every year by school, the participants have to make a presentation in front of thousands of audiences. Students who participate should make the effort to practice eye-contact, the volume of voice, English, and so on. That are essential skills which help them have countless employment opportunities in the future.

In conclusion, I am convinced that teaching a foreign language at all primary school should take into consideration. Consequently, it could contribute to help kids broaden their horizon in order to access to the world.