Please Correct my Motivation letter. Thanks a lot

Hi all,

Please help me correct and tell me what is missing in my letters. I will really appreciate for your help.

Best wishes to you for the next-coming Valentines.

Dear Mr…

I am applying for the Top-up Hospitality Management program in International Unversity of Applied Science Bad Honnef starting in September 2011. My career ambition is to become a member of Management board in renowned Hotel Chains.

For your information, in December 2011, I graduated from Les Roches Hotel Management School with Silver Medal, which is given to students whom get GPA above 80%. Even when I was received the Greatest Progress Prize, I still think I have a lot of things to improve.

Studying in Les Roches did give me a strong command of practical and communication skills. The well-designed Practical program of Les Roches gives me through-out knowledge in various departments, including Front Office, Food and Beverage and Kitchen. Furthermore, the three required internships have provided me with a great deal of real experience and challenges. The essential know-how from Les Roches will be the key for my future career.

Besides my strong academic performance, I also gained a lot of leadership and communication skills. During my third year in Les Roches, I had chance to participate in Les Roches Student Social Committee as a Head of Facilities Department. I was responsible for managing a team of volunteers, consisting of more than 30 people, and organizing all the equipments that required. As a Head of Department, I had to make sure everything was in order and well-prepared before and even after the events. In the end, we successfully raised about 11’000 CHF. What’s more, in most projects in my studies, I was also team leader and responsible for building and leading our assignment. From those experiences, I did improve my leadership and interpersonal skills significantly.

In addition to my activities in college, I was fortunate to have chance to participate in Geneva Marathon for Unicef and Lausanne Marathon as a volunteer as well as a participant. They were great opportunities for me to bring people from all over the world closer and involve myself in social events.

However, I still feel that there are some rooms in my academic and researching skills that should be developed. As I asked for advice from my Human Resourced Lecturer, who came from Bonn- Germany, I felt really interested in your university. In January, I had chance to visit your Bad Reichenhall Campus, I was impressed with your program and all of the students’ rewards in such a young university. I want to study in IUBH also because you have a great connection with other universities that brings about the international studying environment and a great deal of exchange opportunities. Moreover, your quality of education is certified with various Rankings and accreditations, such as CHE-Ranking, studiVZ-Ranking and FIBAA, which give me a lot of confidence in my choice.

Giving my dynamic background and experience, I believe that I will bring up the highest passion and energy to IUBH. I am confident to surpass your expectation with all of my efforts. It would be an honor for me to become a part of your university.
Thank you very much for considering my application. I am looking forward to your respond.

Sincerely yours,