Please correct my IETLS Task 1 (line graph) relating to the wheat exports . Thank you so much!!

Question

Given is the line graph illustrating the amount of wheat exports in three areas including Australia, Canada, and European Community over the period of 5 years since 1985.

In general, it is evident that while the wheat export from Australia declined over time, European Community’s export rose moderately, and Canada observed a fluctuation in this type of cereal grain export. Besides, the figure for Canada was generally higher than that for the other two areas.

Concerning the highest wheat export, in the first year period, Canada witnessed a slight fall to roughly 17 million tonnes before rising considerably and reached the peak of 25 million in 1988. There was a significant drop at aprroximate 14 million tonnes one year later, followed by a growth to roughly 19 million at the end of the period.

Regarding Australia, the amount of wheat export slightly increased by around 1 million from 1985 to 1986, and gradually decreased for the next 4 years. In contrast, European Community’s export experienced a decline to 14 million, and it gradually grew again before merely remaining stable at 15 million in 1988. At the end of the period, there was a rapid increase by around 6 million tonnes, which made European Community the highest wheat exporter in 1990.

(210 words)

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

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For Task 1:

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IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post

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My essay:

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Thientrang0110 · Answer

The graph below shows the differences in wheat exports over three different areas.

Given is the line graph illustrating the amount of wheat exports in three areas including Australia, Canada, and European Community over the period of 5 years since 1985.

In general, it is evident that while the wheat export from Australia declined over time, European Community’s export rose moderately, and Canada observed a fluctuation in this type of cereal grain export. Besides, the figure for Canada was generally higher than that for the other two areas.

Concerning the highest wheat export, in the first year period, Canada's export slightly fell to roughly 17 million tonnes before rising considerably and reached the peak of 25 million in 1988. There was a significant drop at approximately 14 million tonnes one year later, followed by a growth to roughly 19 million at the end of the period.

Regarding Australia, the amount of wheat export increased by around 1 million from 1985 to 1986, and gradually decreased to 11 million tonnes for the next 4 years. In contrast, European Community’s export experienced a decline to 14 million, and it gradually grew again before merely remaining stable at 15 million in 1988. At the end of the period, there was a rapid increase by around 6 million tonnes, which made European Community the highest wheat exporter in 1990.

Please correct my writing and give me the band score for this task if possible. Thank you <3

(201 words)

AlpheccaStars · Answer

~~Given is~~ (Do not use "given", "provided" or other participle. It is rather unnatural) The line graph ~~illustrating~~ (Wrong verb. Use "illustrate" for diagrams, flow charts and pictures, not for plots.) the amount of wheat exports in three areas ~~including~~ Australia, Canada, and European Community over the period of 5 years from ~~since~~ 1985 to 1990.

In general, ~~it is evident that~~ (Do not use the dummy-it clauses) while the wheat export from Australia declined over time, European Community’s export rose moderately, and Canada observed (wrong word) a fluctuation (wrong word) ~~in this type of cereal grain export~~. Besides, the figure (wrong word) for Canada was ~~generally~~ higher than that for the other two areas for the first three years, superseded by the EU for the remainder of the period.

~~Concerning the highest wheat export~~, In 1985 ~~the first year period~~, Canada witnessed (wrong word) a slight fall to roughly 17 million tonnes before rising considerably and reached a ~~the~~ peak of 25 million in 1988. There was a significant drop at aprroximate 14 million tonnes one year later, followed by a growth to roughly 19 million at the end of the period.

Regarding Australia, the amount of wheat export ~~slightly~~ increased slightly by around 1 million tonnes from 1985 to 1986, and gradually decreased for the next 4 years. In contrast, European Community’s export experienced (wrong word) a decline to 14 million, and it gradually grew again before ~~merely~~ ~~remaining stable~~ plateauing at 15 million in 1988. ~~At the end of the period~~, Between 1988 and 1990, there was a rapid increase of by around 6 million tonnes, which made European Community the highest wheat exporter in 1990.

Read my advice for Task 1 essays. It describes common vocabulary errors such as witness, experience, fluctuation, see and figure.

Also, you do not get a high score if you just copy the numbers from the graph to your writing. In the high-scoring essays, writers combine categories in logical ways and make comparisons.

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Sample essay

The line graph compares the wheat exports (in millions of tonnes) of three world regions, the European Community (EU), Canada and Australia between 1985 and 1990.

Overall the total amount of wheat exported did not vary very much over this time period, but the proportions contributed by the individual regions did. Canada was the leading exporter from 1985 through mid-1988, and was surpassed by the EU at that point. It had the largest swings in production over the period compared to the other two.

In detail, the total amount exported was 51 million tonnes in 1985, and it was the same in 1990. Canada had the largest share of the production, especially at its peak of 25 million tonnes in 1988, when it represented almost half of the total. Australia had a slow decline over the period; from its highest level of 16 million tonnes in 1986, it went down to 11 million tonnes in 1990. The EU exports were in the narrow range between 15 and 17 million tonnes from 1985 through 1988, when it increased its production to 19 and then 21 million tonnes in 1989 and 1990, surpassing Canada whose exports were 14 and 19 million tonnes, respectively.

Please correct my IETLS Task 1 (line graph) relating to the wheat exports . Thank you so much!!

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The graph below shows the differences in wheat exports over three different areas.

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