Please correct my IELTS Writing Task 2

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible.

Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Telecommuting has become a vital topic all over the world in recent years. It is widely observed that this trend offers people several benefits, whereas it causes many problems. In this essay, some major pros and cons of telecommuting will be discussed at length before my opinion is presented.

Telecommuting is growing popularly due to modern technology which can provide people in particular children many advantages. Firstly, studying from home may reduce the risk of getting injured by moving on the street which often have traffic problem if children have to go by themselves. For example, when parents is busy with their work, children might have to go the study place on their own vehicle in spite of not knowing the traffic rule thoroughly. In addition, distance education can avoid the possibility of getting infect with some dangerous virus during the pandemic time. As a result, all the study activities in Viet Nam is now contact via some online platforms such as Microsoft Team, Zoom,... to avoid direct meeting.

On the other hand, this trend causes some problems that can bring many drawbacks for children. To begin with, remote study can make children lose their knowledge if they don't practice regularly with the direct control from teachers. Indeed, they may not know what they have learned since they take advantage of the internet to play online games or some online corrupt activities. Secondly, sitting on some electronic devices to study online for a long time can harm their eyes. For instance, children's eyes can be short-sighted if they have to watch for a nearby motion object in one or two hours.

In conclusion, although telecommuting can bring people, especially children, several disadvantages, the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. In my view, this trend is a positive development which makes a large movement in science technology development. If children have distance study with careful instructions from their parents, this trend may exert a positive influence in their lives.