Please correct my IELTS writing task 1 answer, may thanks!
The three pie charts illustrate the use of water in three different sectors in San Diego County, California and the world as a whole.
It is clear that residential purposes accounted for the largest percentage of total water usage in San Diego and California, whereas most water all over the world is consumed in agriculture. It is also noticeable that there are not many differences in water consumption in California.
Globally, a significant proportion, 69% of water used in agriculture. In contrast, the figures for California and San Diego are much lower, at 28% and 17% respectively. The water use by home followed a reversed pattern, compared with the previous area. In San Diego, three fifths of the entire water amount is consumed for living activities. The data for California is 39%, while just a mere 8% of water worldwide used in this area.
In comparison with aforementioned areas, industrial sectors, on the other hand, shows similar proportions in water usage in all three parts. In detail, the highest rate can be seen in California, at 33%, which is ten percent higher than the figures for San Diego County and worldwide (23%).
Top answer
Your first sentence is grammatical, but it is not a good description of the task. It is not clear that you are going to devote one paragraph to each of the three sectors of water consumption: residential, industrial and agricultural. You should state that in your introductory paragraph.
- Your first sentence is grammatical, but it is not a good description of the task.
- It is not clear that you are going to devote one paragraph to each of the three sectors of water consumption: residential, industrial and agricultural.
- You should state that in your introductory paragraph.
- ) in San Diego County, California (Unclear.
- San Diego Country, California is one geographic area.
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Your first sentence is grammatical, but it is not a good description of the task. It is not clear that you are going to devote one paragraph to each of the three sectors of water consumption: residential, industrial and agricultural. You should state that in your introductory paragraph.
The three pie charts illustrate the use of water in three different sectors (What are the sectors
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