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Anonymous Posted 18 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
please correct my grammar
I need help on my essay
please anyone correct my grammar
Thank you
Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school — and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
After my parents got divorced when I was in fifth grade, I moved in my grandparents’ house while my mom immigrated to the United States, and my dad and my two siblings moved to Chiang Mai Province, Thailand. The area where I and my grandparents lived was like other rural areas; no electricity, no running water, no Internet, low population, and majority of people were poor.
But nothing was worse than the long distance from our community to the hospital. During my four year living there, I and my grandparents got invited to the funeral more often than any other events. Because the long distance to the hospital and their financial problem, most people refused to get the medical treatment and got killed by disease like Flu and Leptospirosis, which could be easily cured by certain medicine. For example, one of my neighbor who was a farmer had Leptospirosis disease, but he did not know it and we all thought that he only had flu because the its symptoms were flu-like symptom; fever and headache. Not even a month after his illness, he got killed by this disease. A few days later, one more farmer died from the same symptoms. With little knowledge about Flu, my grandparents doubted those people might not kill by Flu because only Flu itself should have not killed them this fast, especially, when their family said they all took the medicine and they only had been sick for a few weeks. Therefore, my grandparents spent their money to send two people who had the same symptoms as those two guys and my neighbor’s dead body to the hospital to have the doctor diagnosed the illness. The result was two of them had Leptospirosis disease and my neighbor was killed by this disease as well. After the result, my grandpa made an announcement suggesting everyone to go to hospital to check if he/she got infected by this disease. Sadly, no one took my grandpa’s suggestion due to financial problem and the long distance that would increase the cost. After all, my community still was the same; many people got killed by this disease each year.
Even though it has been almost four years since the day I left this community, the need in medical treatment of those people is still vivid in my head. It inspired me to become a doctor.
please anyone correct my grammar
Thank you
Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school — and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
After my parents got divorced when I was in fifth grade, I moved in my grandparents’ house while my mom immigrated to the United States, and my dad and my two siblings moved to Chiang Mai Province, Thailand. The area where I and my grandparents lived was like other rural areas; no electricity, no running water, no Internet, low population, and majority of people were poor.
But nothing was worse than the long distance from our community to the hospital. During my four year living there, I and my grandparents got invited to the funeral more often than any other events. Because the long distance to the hospital and their financial problem, most people refused to get the medical treatment and got killed by disease like Flu and Leptospirosis, which could be easily cured by certain medicine. For example, one of my neighbor who was a farmer had Leptospirosis disease, but he did not know it and we all thought that he only had flu because the its symptoms were flu-like symptom; fever and headache. Not even a month after his illness, he got killed by this disease. A few days later, one more farmer died from the same symptoms. With little knowledge about Flu, my grandparents doubted those people might not kill by Flu because only Flu itself should have not killed them this fast, especially, when their family said they all took the medicine and they only had been sick for a few weeks. Therefore, my grandparents spent their money to send two people who had the same symptoms as those two guys and my neighbor’s dead body to the hospital to have the doctor diagnosed the illness. The result was two of them had Leptospirosis disease and my neighbor was killed by this disease as well. After the result, my grandpa made an announcement suggesting everyone to go to hospital to check if he/she got infected by this disease. Sadly, no one took my grandpa’s suggestion due to financial problem and the long distance that would increase the cost. After all, my community still was the same; many people got killed by this disease each year.
Even though it has been almost four years since the day I left this community, the need in medical treatment of those people is still vivid in my head. It inspired me to become a doctor.
Top answer
Highlighted a few things for yout o fix. I've also corrected a few things for you. After my parents got divorced when I was in fifth grade, I moved in my grandparents’ house .
- Highlighted a few things for yout o fix.
- I've also corrected a few things for you.
- After my parents got divorced when I was in fifth grade, I moved in my grandparents’ house .
- while my mom immigrated (wrong word) to the United States, and my dad and my two siblings moved to Chiang Mai Province, Thailand.
- The area where I and my grandparents and I lived was like other rural areas : no electricity, no running water, no Internet, low population, and little wealth majority of people were poor .
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2 Answers
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Highlighted a few things for yout o fix. I've also corrected a few things for you.
After my parents got divorced when I was in fifth grade, I moved in my grandparents’ house.while my mom immigrated (wrong word) to the United States, and my dad and my two siblings moved to Chiang Mai Province, Thailand. The area where I and
After my parents got divorced when I was in fifth grade, I moved in my grandparents’ house.
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