0
Nhatminh12369 Posted 15 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Please correct my essay! Help me
I'm learning to writte in English, so I have made some grammar mistakes and used some words aren't in accordance with the situation. Please correct it for me, thank you very much!
I have drawn three career path in my next 3 – 5 years. Why? Because if I can’t do the first career path, I will turn to the second and if I can’t do the second, too, I must choice the tree career path. My first career path is work in foreign country (like United State, Japan or a Europe nation) when I graduate. My second career path is to get a full foreign scholarship to learnning Master of Infomation Technology, and then I will work there. My third career path is to work in a Viet Nam companies or a companies located in Viet Nam which have more opportunity to go to foreign country and I will try to find a chance to work in foreign country. Generally, my career pursuit in next 3 – 5 years is to working in foreign country (United State, Japan or a Europe nation) because I want to gain more experience and learn about technology in developed country, moreover, this job will give me an amout of money.
About working, I like to work in Embedded System brand (this brand works with dedicated electrical device, for example, the device controls washing machine, device controls trafic light, calculator...). I think it’s a promising domain in Viet Nam at this time and in the future, especially devices have connect ability, for example, when a washing machine finished washing, it sends a message to your phone to notify that it finished it’s job, or some camera set up around your house can notify you when they “see” an unknow person, they can help you prevent thief. There are some example that I want to do in the future because it’s very exciting and have high posibilities to make business. So, I have to learn more from some developed country and when I feel good (maybe 2 – 3 years working in foreign country), I will come back to Viet Nam and start up my own business.
That’s about my future. At this time, the thing I want right now is an IELST certificate (at least 6.5) because I’ve almost done learning in univesity. I don’t worry about the graduation. My biggest trouble is English. If I’m not good English, I can’t acomplish my dream. Therefore, I’m learning English very hard. I’m always hopeful, always believe myself and always do all thing as best as my ability to achive my dream.
I have drawn three career path in my next 3 – 5 years. Why? Because if I can’t do the first career path, I will turn to the second and if I can’t do the second, too, I must choice the tree career path. My first career path is work in foreign country (like United State, Japan or a Europe nation) when I graduate. My second career path is to get a full foreign scholarship to learnning Master of Infomation Technology, and then I will work there. My third career path is to work in a Viet Nam companies or a companies located in Viet Nam which have more opportunity to go to foreign country and I will try to find a chance to work in foreign country. Generally, my career pursuit in next 3 – 5 years is to working in foreign country (United State, Japan or a Europe nation) because I want to gain more experience and learn about technology in developed country, moreover, this job will give me an amout of money.
About working, I like to work in Embedded System brand (this brand works with dedicated electrical device, for example, the device controls washing machine, device controls trafic light, calculator...). I think it’s a promising domain in Viet Nam at this time and in the future, especially devices have connect ability, for example, when a washing machine finished washing, it sends a message to your phone to notify that it finished it’s job, or some camera set up around your house can notify you when they “see” an unknow person, they can help you prevent thief. There are some example that I want to do in the future because it’s very exciting and have high posibilities to make business. So, I have to learn more from some developed country and when I feel good (maybe 2 – 3 years working in foreign country), I will come back to Viet Nam and start up my own business.
That’s about my future. At this time, the thing I want right now is an IELST certificate (at least 6.5) because I’ve almost done learning in univesity. I don’t worry about the graduation. My biggest trouble is English. If I’m not good English, I can’t acomplish my dream. Therefore, I’m learning English very hard. I’m always hopeful, always believe myself and always do all thing as best as my ability to achive my dream.
Top answer
Hi; I will highligh some of your mistakes in the first paragraph. See if you can fix them yourself. I have drawn three career path in my next 3 – 5 years.
- Hi; I will highligh some of your mistakes in the first paragraph.
- See if you can fix them yourself.
- I have drawn three career path in my next 3 – 5 years.
- Why?
- Because if I can’t do the first career path, I will turn to the second and if I can’t do the second, too, I must choice the tree career path.
Get the Weekly English Kit 📬
New words, one handy idiom, and a 2-minute quiz — delivered to your inbox to keep your streak alive.
5 Answers
0
Hi; I will highligh some of your mistakes in the first paragraph. See if you can fix them yourself.
I have drawn three career path in my next 3 – 5 years. Why? Because if I can’t do the first career path, I will turn to the second and if I can’t do the second, too, I must choice the
I have drawn three career path in my next 3 – 5 years. Why? Because if I can’t do the first career path, I will turn to the second and if I can’t do the second, too, I must choice the
00
Thank you, but there are some point I don't know how to fix (I highligh it with orange color).
I have drawn three career paths in my next 3 – 5 years. Why? Because if I can’t do the first career path, I will turn to the second and if I can’t do the second, too, I must choice the tree career path. My first career path is
I have drawn three career paths in my next 3 – 5 years. Why? Because if I can’t do the first career path, I will turn to the second and if I can’t do the second, too, I must choice the tree career path. My first career path is
00
Here are some more corrections for your first paragraph. Read the second paragraph to find your easy mistakes, fix them, and post your corrected version. Look for missing determiners, singular/plural mismatches and misspellings, because that's where you need a lot of practice.
I will review it.
----------------
I have drawn three career paths
I will review it.
----------------
I have drawn three career paths
00
Thank you. I have fixed two remain paragraphs.
About working domain, I want to work in Embedded System brand (this brand is to work with dedicated electrical device, for example, the device controls washing machine, the device controls trafic light, smart cards...). I think it’s a promising domain in Viet Nam at this time and in future, especially the device have
About working domain, I want to work in Embedded System brand (this brand is to work with dedicated electrical device, for example, the device controls washing machine, the device controls trafic light, smart cards...). I think it’s a promising domain in Viet Nam at this time and in future, especially the device have
00
Thank you. I have fixed two remain paragraphs.
--About working domain,-- I want to work in embedded systems brand (It is not a brand. A brand is a company name, like Apple or Microsoft or Coca Cola) (this brand is to embedded systems are small processors that control an work with dedicated
--About working domain,-- I want to work in embedded systems brand (It is not a brand. A brand is a company name, like Apple or Microsoft or Coca Cola) (
0
Related Questions