please correct my essay. happy new year!(you would find it interesting)

1b00Why are you seeking an M.B.A. or M.S. from the 00 of Management? What do you hope to experience and contribute? What are your plans and goals after you receive your degree? (750 words maximum)02b02br
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00Never is pursuing my graduate study in finance a cursory decision to me. I still remember the serious expression on a famous financial professor’s face when he was lecturing on the reform of Chinese state banks in our university. It was this lecture that made me determine to develop my career in banking.02br
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00According to the protocol on the accession of 0100China0200 to WTO, 00 completely opens its financial market to foreign banks in 2006. Facing the coming competition from foreign bank groups, Chinese state banks are actively launching reforms to upgrade their management. However, because of the premature economic situation in 00, those reforms involve various risks and difficulties, which directly affect the nation’s fate. As a youth, I feel the responsibility to contribute myself to the historic reforms. Thus I decided to take part in Graduate Entrance Examination of Finance department in Renmin University of China—one of the best Finance department in 00. Paths are usually not easy for people who pursue their dreams. Although I attained satisfying scores in the Examination, I finally failed due to the slim probability in admission-less than five percent. However, later experience of hunting a job lead me to have a much more practical and specific realization toward my career choice. 02br
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00Under the trend of opening up in banking, while domestic and foreign banks are competing for attractive market share in 00, they are in urgent need of financial professionals who are both familiar with domestic market and proficient in international bank operation. Nevertheless, my limited knowledge and experience about finance do not qualify me for job vacancies in banks.02br
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00I clearly understand that enhancing my academic background is the first step to focus my career in this field.02br
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00Specifically, because of the previous monopoly nature of banking backed by Chinese government, investment management is a weak point to most domestic commercial banks. In face of equal competition with giant foreign counterparts, domestic banks lag far behind in investment skills and experiences. So I plan to focus on investment analysis during my study in MSF program of Whitman School of Management. After graduation, I will try to find a finance or risk analysis position in which I can gain broad version and accumulate practical experience in US. In about three years, I will return to my motherland as an investment expert. Then I will actively adapt myself to domestic environment and devote my passion to improve Chinese banks’ investment management level. As I know, there are few professional bankers in 00, let alone women bankers. In the long-term, I have the ambition to be one of the women bankers, breaking through the men-dominated banking field. 02br
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00MSF program designed in 00 can benefit my career in three aspects, which can rarely be obtained from Finance graduate program of Chinese universities. First, 00’s MSF program emphasizes on providing students with the advanced skills in applied finance. In 00, I have the opportunity to absorb the cutting edge information introduced by the internationally recognized finance faculty in a country with the most developed financial market in the world. In contrast, graduate education of finance in 00 largely focuses on financial theories stemming from the West, and students seldom have practical knowledge about finance. Second, the program teaches the quantitative and analytical skills employed in the investment structuring, pricing, and risk management of financial instruments. Although Finance department of Chinese universities begin to cultivate students’ quantitative skills, qualitative analysis still occupies finance research. Moreover, a good command of English has been a must for a competitive financial professional. Study in Whitman can accelerate my oral and written abilities of business English, for I am often puzzled by the bottleneck of improvement in current circumstance. 02br
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00I have heard the fame of 00 for quite a long time, and I believe that the honor of being admitted to 00 will be a lifetime fortune.00 02br
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01b00What personal characteristics do you possess that make you unique? How do you expect these attributes to make an impact on the 00 of Management and your classmates? (750 words maximum)02b02br
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00A human’s life is a process of discovering himself. I have never been the smartest in my peers, but I am the girl who have clear cognition of herself and who will endeavor to explore her potential.02br
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00When I was enrolled in the best senior high school in my province, I faced seemingly insurmountable challenge in Math as many girls did. Because of differences in teaching modes between my junior and senior high school, I could not adapt to the dense and accelerated teaching of Math. For almost a year I failed in Math examinations and ranked just above the average among my outstanding classmates, which meant that my dream of getting admitted into a renowned university was broken. Under huge mental pressure, I deeply realized what the word ‘frustrated’ means. 02br
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00Have I reached my ceiling of intelligence? I kept asking myself. Whatever the answer is, I can not abandon my dream without any struggle. I consulted teachers and classmates proper methods to learn Math well, and spared much more time than my classmates on repeatedly experimenting, summarizing and adjusting those methods. Soon not only did I find suitable learning ways, but also become interested in Math. Finally, I gained 137 with full mark of 00 National Entrance Examination, becoming the student who made the most remarkable improvement in my class.02br
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00While I was smoothly admitted into International Trade department of UIBE—the best International Trade department in 00, many of my peers, who were once deemed with great potential by teachers and parents, finally failed facing challenges in senior high school. Even my relatives could not imagine how a seemingly untalented girl excelled, but I comprehended that what is more important than intelligence is to unleash it02br
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00Knowing how to explore myself, no matter how challenging the difficulty is in the future, I will not be self-contemptuous anymore. Because I understand that correct methods are more helpful than simply working hard. Not everyone can have the fortune to obtain talent, but each of us can try to find correct methods. Undoubtedly, if I am admitted to Whitman School of Management, there will be various unpredictable obstacles ahead in study and work. But based on the clear cognition toward myself, I have the confidence and persistence to overcome any challenge. I believe that a girl who is always striving to beak her limits will become a resource to 00 and her classmates.02br
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00Every coin has two sides. When I was a little girl, my parents judged that I was not gifted. So I unconsciously pay attention to exercise my elaborative faculty at all time. I would like to discover causes behind evens. I would like to ponder on principles behind phenomenon. I would like to summarize methods solving problems. Gradually, I form a deep insight toward the world. Many students consider Philosophy courses as useless and dull, and just memorize textbooks for examination. But I deem it a course that teaches us ways to view the world. Finance is a specialty that requires smartness and particular perspectives. Since I have solid economics foundation, I hope to exchange my ideas with my classmates in Whiteman, enhancing our comprehension of finance theory and practice.02br
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00My gift of interpersonal skills and leadership emerged during university time. When I was still a common member of 00, I needed to visit community offices one by one to promote our volunteer English class. At that time, I, a sophomore student, persuaded those officers who were thirty or forty years older to assist our activity. Maybe my sincerity moved those adults, or my persuasion catered to their needs. Ultimately I helped organize 5 English classes around our university.00 02br
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00Sometimes I was the leader of group work. Before we started, I always ensured that every member thoroughly understand our goal, background information and measures taken. As for distributing tasks, I will consider every member’s available time and advantages. Then when came to discussion, members could express their ideas that had really been thought. So I am proud to notice that whenever I was the group leader, our report would gain a satisfying score. During graduate study in Whiteman School of Management, I will actively fuse into my classmates. For group works, I will contribute either as a member or as a leader, and my advantage in presentation will be helpful for our team. 02br
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00In conclusion, I am a girl who is willing to break through herself and who loves thinking. I get along well with people and value the experience of communicating with others. Surely, those attributes will benefit interactions with my classmates and favor my study in Whiteman. 00 0-