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Akm2446 Posted 15 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Please correct my essay (grammar)

Topic:

In some countries older people are being encouraged to work longer and not to retire. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of working beyond retirement age.

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Nowadays, there has been a significant increase in retirement age in some countries. It has been a matter of concern whether working beyond retirement age should be encouraged or not. There are many advantages and disadvantages associated with this issue. Some of them are as follow:

One of the most important disadvantages of this issue is that working of old people may decreases job opportunities for young people. For instance, some companies prefer to utilize older employees who have more experiences than young ones. Another drawback is that this issue might have negative effects on elderly people's health. For example, back pain is one of the most common health problems which aged employees are suffered by it. The last negative point can be that because older employees have less physical or mental abilities than youth. Therefore, they may not have appropriate efficiency at work. To illustrate, there are some careers which require physical activities. Thus, only young workers are able to do these careers.

On the other hand, one of the advantages of this issue is that working over retirement ages helps elderly people to keep their social contact which it would be beneficial for them. Particularly, interacting with other people at workplace prevents elderly people from depression and feeling loneliness. Another benefit is that because old people have more work experience, they could be very useful for society. In this case, the majority of colleges usually prefer to employ old teachers and masters rather than young ones. The last positive aspect can be that older people who are able to work longer could earn enough money which helps them to live independently. In particular, these days, financial support is very essential for elderly people who are left by their family members after retirement.

In conclusion, I personally think that advantages of working beyond retirement age far outweigh its disadvantages provided that aged people are employed in specific jobs which do not affect their health.
  

Top answer

Hi akm2446. Here are some suggestions. Yellow highlighted areas have a problem.

  • Hi akm2446.
  • Here are some suggestions.
  • Yellow highlighted areas have a problem.
  • In some countries older people are being encouraged to work longer and not to retire.
  • Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of working beyond retirement age.
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2 Answers
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Hi akm2446. Here are some suggestions. Yellow highlighted areas have a problem.

In some countries older people are being encouraged to work longer and not to retire. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of working beyond retirement age.
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Nowadays, (nowadays is very casual. Use recently instead.) there has been a significant increase in the retirement age
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I am extremely grateful for you help.

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