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Evan20002 Posted 14 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Please correct my essay !!!!!!!!

Hi

I am a student and please correct my essay below,
thanks a lot for your help !!!!

________________

John is reading an email from his pen friend from Hong Kong

____________________

Dear John,

How are you? New Year is coming.
From December, we send postcards to friends and relatives so that they can receive it by New Year's Day.
We also clean our homes. My Parent will give me red pocket money. That is great !
On the 2nd and 3rd days of New Year, we start visit relatives and have great lunch or dinner.

Popular New Year food are dumplings, rice cake, fish, hair seaweed and noodles.

I will enjoy this festival and how about your New Year in Canada?

Bryan.

_____________________________

Ruth is reading an email from her friend

______________________________

Dear Ruth.

I am angry with Tom.We are doing a project on marine mammals . We had agreed to go to Ocean Park this morning.

We had arranged to meet at 9:00AM at the bus stop. I arrived 5 mins early and Tom never showup.

I waited for another 15 minutes and I tried to call his mobile but nobody answered.

Finally, I visited the Ocean Park myself and get all the information I needed.

One hours ago, Tom called me that he had forget about this appointment and sorry about it.

Do you believe that? I will never work with him again. Never !

Sarah

______________________________

Ada have just received a leaflet :

_____________________________

BEETLE waist Bag

Beetle waist bag is a good idea for any purpose.

Beetle waist bag is suitable for portable game players, water bottle, mobile phone, iphone, wallet and personal stuffs.

It has a side pocket to store your keys or any small things.

It is made of 600D nylon, it is waterproof.

Size : 35cm x 12cm x 18cm

Colour : Green, Red, Black

Please visit WWW.beetlewbag.com and order it online !

________________

Amy's autobiography

______________________

I was born on 23th December, 1998, in a small city Hong Kong.
I am the only child in my family.

I had a happy childhood because I was free to do anything I liked.
My father worked outside day and night and my mum was busy too.
Sometimes my dad would bring me to Ocean Park and enjoy the shows.
I also spent time on painting and reading.

Although Hong Kong is a small dot on the world map, but I have a big heart and
hope that I can be a success people in future.

Amy

____________________________

A bike autobiography

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I was made in a factory in Shanghai. I was a 18 gear bicycle which
had send to Hong Kong. I found myself waiting patiently in a shop for someone to buy me.

A few weeks later, a man came and bought me for his daughter. The girl was seventeen
but his father was rich enough to buy me. I was chosen because of my beautiful pattern.

My young owner was a good rider and we visited many place in New territories.

I hope she can taking good care on me and I will not be scrapped in next few years.
  

Top answer

Hello; Welcome to the Forums! Could you please next time make your post shorter? If you have a lot of text, it is better to make two shorter posts rather than one long one.

  • Hello; Welcome to the Forums!
  • Could you please next time make your post shorter?
  • If you have a lot of text, it is better to make two shorter posts rather than one long one.
  • Here are some suggestions for your first three paragraphs.
  • ----- Dear John, How are you?
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3 Answers
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Hello;

Welcome to the Forums!

Could you please next time make your post shorter? If you have a lot of text, it is better to make two shorter posts rather than one long one.

Here are some suggestions for your first three paragraphs.

-----

Dear John,
How are you? New Year is coming.
From Beginning in December, we send postcards t
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Tons of thankssssss !!!!!

It is very helpful
0
Dear John,

How are you? New Year is coming. We send postcards to friends and relatives so that they can receive it by New Year's Day. We also clean our homes. My Parent will give me red pocket money. That is great !
On the 2nd and 3rd days of New Year, we (will visit)or start visit relatives and (will)have great lunch or dinner.

Popular New Year food are dumplings, rice cake,

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