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Fairypp Posted 15 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Please correct a sentence of my personal statement for apply graduate school. Thank you!

My decision to follow in this path, however, has its roots in my pre-teen days of suggesting my grandfather, a PE teacher and school sports organizer, to exchange a privilege of selling on competition site for expensive trophies, for the school couldn't afford the trophies. This was a success. To guaranteed the smooth progress of the game. And sponsors, students and teachers are all happy for they got what they want. I then realized how much happiness can be brought by better marketing of sports events.

"To guaranteed the smooth progress of the game." I feel a bit awkward in this sentence...
  

Top answer

Hello, fairy - and welcome to English Forums. - - That is not the only problem you have. My decision to follow this path, however, has its roots in my pre-teen days .

  • Hello, fairy - and welcome to English Forums.
  • - - That is not the only problem you have.
  • My decision to follow this path, however, has its roots in my pre-teen days .
  • My grandfather, a PE teacher and school sports organizer, suggested that the school award the privilege of selling at their venue to the sponsor who would supply the trophies, for the school couldn't afford them.
  • This was a success : the sponsors, students and teachers were all happy , because they got what they wanted .
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4 Answers
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Hello, fairy - and welcome to English Forums.

"To guaranteed the smooth progress of the game." I feel a bit awkward in this sentence...-- That is not the only problem you have.

My decision to follow this path, however, has its roots in my pre-teen days. My grandfather, a PE teacher and school sports organizer, suggested that the school award the p
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Thank you carefully and kindly reply!
Would you like help me revise the other parts of my essay?
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but I want to express it was me not anyone else gave my grandfather the suggestionEmotion: smile
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I suggested to my grandfather, a PE teacher and school sports organizer, that the school award the privilege...

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