Please correct a sentence from my personal statement, TY!

Question

Hello, I am a Chinese, and I have a problem in expressing this sentence in my personal statement. please help me to make it more fluently. thanks a bunch!

The sentences are:

In my freshman year, my hard work and good rank in medical school placed me into a bilingual class that accepted 60 of 360 applicants in a grade level, in which I learned my medical courses in English. Though our final exams are translated into English, I’ve always ranked top in my grade.
Along with my dedications of concurrent posts as administrator of school official website and vice-minister of student union which developed my capacities of leadership and collaboration, I earned high scholarships and prizes every term.

ps: in this paragraph, i mean that in my school, high scholarship means not only good scores but it must also accompanied with great community work that dedicate to school.

ty again!

Sam1947 · Accepted Answer

"1. In my freshman year, my hard work and good rank in medical school placed me into a bilingual class that accepted 60 of 360 applicants in a grade level, in which I learned my medical courses in English. 2. Though our final exams are translated into English, I’ve always ranked top in my grade.
3. Along with my dedications of concurrent posts as administrator of school official website and vice-minister of student union which developed my capacities of leadership and collaboration, I earned high scholarships and prizes every term."

I've numbered the sentences for ease in discussing them.

In the first sentence, do you mean that 60 of 360 students from each grade level (i.e., first,second, third, or fourth year of medical school) were accepted into this bilingual program? And, was it a bilingual program for your medical school curriculae, or just one bilingual class?

By the 2nd sentence do you mean that despite having to take your exams in English, which is not your native tongue, you ranked top in your grade?

By your 3rd sentence, do you mean that although you took on leadership roles as the administrator of the school website and vice minister of the student union, which required a certain level of committment and time outside of studies that you still earned high scholarships and prizes during each school term?

If that is what you mean, I would say:

In my freshman year, my hard work and high class rank earned me a placement in the bilingual program, which only accepted 60 of 360 applicants from each Medical School class, and through which I received my medical training in English. Despite having to complete final exams in English, a language other than my native tongue, I have always ranked top in my class. Although I dedicated significant time to the role of administrator of the official school website and vice minister of the student union, activities that I believe broadened my collaboration, interpersonal, leadership, and technical skills, I still achieved large scholarships and significant prizes for each term.

Englishmaven · Answer

Hello. Not answering your question, but helping you otherwise, I am giving you this advice. Say, "I am a Chinese person." Or you could say, "I'm Chinese." You should not say, "I am a Chinese."

Detconan · Answer

Ty a lot!

u said it right! i should have said: i am a Chinese student, but i think i was totally in a mess that moment or these days. u really helped me a lot!!!

Detconan · Answer

wow brilliant! ty sooo much.

your answer really enlightened me, and it's definitely wha i gonna say

impressive reply. i quite appreciate your help, and adore u so much

Best regards. Godspeed.

Detconan · Answer

wow brilliant! ty sooo much.

your answer really enlightened me, and it's definitely wha i gonna say

impressive reply. i quite appreciate your help, and adore u so much

Best regards. Godspeed.

Sam1947 · Answer

I am so glad I could be of help.  Good luck with your application![Y]

Please correct a sentence from my personal statement, TY!

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions