Please comment on the sentence, thanks.

I will pay the tour fee by personal, and our flight details are as follows:

BA133 ETA 13:10 20 June 2017BA132 ETD 17:00 25 June 2017 Please find attached the scan copy of the passport for you record, and my address as follows:123 Nathan Road, Hong Kong. For the other passport copy of our group, as some of our group members are out of town, I will send to you later once I have collected.