please check this very soon

Hi guys, could anyone check this essay for me, and if possible write his own argument about the given topic:
Free will and determinism according to Thomas Nigel and John Stewart Mill
here is my drafts:

Free will is the ability to practice one's activities without restrictions. An individual's actions can sometimes be caused by his affection by his society, culture and religion. People actions are produced either by their belief that they are free to do what they want or have a causation, and this causation can be external or internal. Somebody actions seem to be like a drop of water inside a river in comparison with society's actions which are affected by customs, habits, religion and beliefs. This will give individuals a great affection because he is usually affected by his society. Unlike to what Negel has said "the agent and everything about him seem to be swallowed up by the circumstances of action", I believe that one's action should be free from any external standpoints or forces in order to create autonomous people.

There are many obstacles that face anyone wants to be free and live independently. For example, customs can stand against individuality and the autonomy of a man. I agree with John Stewart that the customs can destroy one's character and give him no choice because he who does anything because it is the customs, don't think or even try a new thing. "He who does anything because it is the customs makes no choice". Another example is security and parents' censorship. It seems that nowadays' people live under the control of parents, government and local councils. This control mustn't be absolute that it controls our desires and powers. Instead, this control must be limited and applied only in some parts of our life. Any society that wants to develop and gets its prosperity, has to give its geniuses the freedom and the required support to develop new inventions and new sides in our life. "Genius can only breathe in an atmosphere of freedom".

In conclusion, in the way of getting the desired freedom, there are many obstacles and circumstances that stand against us and try to hamper our desires and thoughts. We should always fight them and never let anything kidnap our characters because anyone who let external pressure and circumstances control him, will be pulled away by the flow of others. "Anyone whose desires and impulses are not his own, has no character".