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Hi guys, Iam writing a collection of essays for my final exams. If possible, help me to find my mistakes and in improving these essays.

Here is one of them

By the rapid technological development today, many ideas and ways to develop the education process have become easy to apply. Online education is the process of recieving information and communicate with instructors from different universities throgh the internet or the video conference. I believe that this way of education need to be allowed due to its great pros.

Online education is cheaper than the original education we receive in our universities. You can belong to a university that provide this type of education for low prices. Also, online education doesn't require transportation that may coast alot. All you need to do is setting in your home and listen to to your instructor while teaching. Moreover, instead of eating in a university's cafeteria, you can eat with your family and have your favourite meal at home.

Online education can banku to connect with people from different universities and have different cultures. You can receive education from instructors who are more experienced than yours in your native universities. You may also connect with people who are native and use English as a native language. Furthermore, you can belong to famous universities like the university of Florida.

Finally, online education is flexible and more reliable than the original education. Usually, students go to the university and spend long time there, and they have to wait untill the lectures start. Instead, they can read a book while listening to the instructor's information. In addition, students can pay the fees by credit card instead of using a bank.

I believe that some students may argue that online education is not avowed by some universities, and also it could build a weak personality for those who use this type. In fact, the number of the universities around the world that avowed this pattern is bigger than those who didn't. Mpreover, an online student can spend his free time in a club where there are many mates.

In conclusion, I want to say that this pattern must become common due to its pros and the solutions it carried out for some of students' problems. Besides, education institutions must avowed this type as a common and legitmate way of education.

Teechr · Accepted Answer

This is not well written.
1- The very first sentence has no purpose and is just waffle.
2- The last sentence of the introduction is not natural.
3- It's not clear what the first, third and to some extent the second body paragraphs are about. You should deal with only one idea in any single paragraph.
4- What does "banku" mean in the second body paragraph?
5- Do not use words that you're not familiar with such as "avow." It just makes your writing more awkward and difficult to understand.
6- You need to summarize your main points in the conclusion.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

By the rapid technological development today, many ideas and ways to develop the education process have become easy to apply. (This makes no sense. You can say: The advance in communications technology has opened up the possibility of on-line classes.)

I highlighted the problems in the next few sentences:
Online education is the process of recieving information and communicate with instructors from different universities throgh the internet or ~~the~~ video conference. I believe that this way of education need to be allowed due to its great pros. (Pro = a professional, such as a professor.)

Online education is cheaper than the ~~original~~ traditional classroom education we receive in our universities. You can belong to a university that provide this type of education for low prices. Also, online education doesn't require transportation that may coast alot. All you need to do is setting in your home and listen to to your instructor while teaching. Moreover, instead of eating in a university's cafeteria, you can eat with your family and have your favourite meal at home.

Nonodiv · Answer

With recent and rapid technological developments, taking on-line courses has become far easier than before. Online education is the process of taking online courses and communicate with instructors from different universities through the internet or video conference. I think applying this pattern of education will bring many great benifits for students.

Online education is cheaper than the original education we receive in our universities. You can belong to a university that provides this type of education for low prices. Also, online education doesn't require transportation that may cost alots of money. All you need to do is setting in your home and listen to to your instructor. Moreover, instead of eating in a university's cafeteria, you can eat with your family and have your meal at home.

Online education can help you to connect with people from different universities and have different cultures. You can receive education from instructors who are more experienced than yours in your native universities. You may also connect with people who are native and use English as a native language. Furthermore, you can belong to famous universities like the university of Florida.

Finally, online education is flexible and more reliable than the original education. Students go ro the university and spend long time there, and they have to wait untill the lectures start. Instead, they can read a book while listening to the instructor's information. In addition, students can pay the fees by credit card instead of using a bank branch.

I believe that some students may argue that certificates that taken online are not considered legitimate by some universities, and also it could build a weak personality for those who use this type. In fact, the number of the universities around the world that considerd it legitimate is bigger than those who didn't. Mpreover, an online student can spend his free time in a club where there are many mates.

In conclusion, I want to say that this pattern of education must become common due to its great advantages and the solutions it carried out for some of students' problems. It can help students to save some money, have more free time and make friendships with students from all over the world. For these benefits, the ministry of education should codify this pattern.

What about now??

AlpheccaStars · Answer

With recent and rapid technological developments, taking on-line courses has become far easier than before. Online education is the process of taking online courses and communicate with instructors from different universities through the internet or video conferencing. I think applying this pattern of education will bring many great benifits for students.

Online education is cheaper than the original education (That does not say what you mean. The education has not changed. Physics is still physics; math is still math. The method of providing it has changed.). we receive in our universities.) You can belong to a university that provides this type of education for low prices. Also, online education doesn't require transportation that may cost alots of money. All you need to do is setting in your home and listen to to your instructor. Moreover, instead of eating in a university's cafeteria, you can eat with your family and have your meal at home.

Online education can help you to connect with people from different universities and have different cultures (You don't mean that you have different cultures, do you?). You can receive education from instructors who are more experienced than yours in your native universities. You may also connect with people who are native and use English as a native language. Furthermore, you can belong to famous universities like the university of Florida.

Finally, online education is flexible and more reliable than the original education. Students go ro the university and spend a long time there, and they have to wait untill the lectures start. Instead, they can read a book while listening to the instructor's information (I don't understand this point. While waiting for a class to start at a university, a student can read a book.). In addition, students can pay the fees by credit card instead of using a bank branch.

I believe that some students may argue that certificates that taken online are not considered legitimate by some universities, and also it could build a weak personality for those who use this type. In fact, the number of the universities around the world that considerd it legitimate is bigger than those who didn't (The sentence is not understandable.). Mpreover, an online student can spend his free time in a club where there are many mates. (A university student cannot spend his free time in clubs?)

In conclusion, I want to say that this pattern of education must become common due to its great advantages and the solutions it carried out for some of students' problems. It can help students to save some money, have more free time and make friendships with students from all over the world. For these benefits, the ministry of education should codify (?) this pattern.

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