Please check this scene from a script I'm writing on.
Please check this scene from a script I'm writing on. Is it OK? Would you change anything?
Hotel room
Jimmy grabs Matt by collar with one hand and starts punching with the other. Matt sinks to the floor, but Jimmy is not done. He picks him up and runs with him through the door, crashing out into the hallway.
Hotel hallway
They land on the floor. Jimmy rolls on top of Matt, who's barely conscious by now, and starts punching him again.
Top answer
anonymous Jimmy grabs Matt by collar " the collar" What collar? That sounds a bit odd unless we are quite sure what Matt is wearing. anonymous through the door, crashing I guess you mean that they broke the door, but "through" doesn't get me all the way there.
- anonymous Jimmy grabs Matt by collar " the collar" What collar?
- That sounds a bit odd unless we are quite sure what Matt is wearing.
- anonymous through the door, crashing I guess you mean that they broke the door, but "through" doesn't get me all the way there.
- anonymous They land on the floor.
- Jimmy rolls on top of Matt You need to say how they landed before Jimmy can roll anywhere.
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anonymousJimmy grabs Matt by collar
"the collar" What collar? That sounds a bit odd unless we are quite sure what Matt is wearing.
anonymousthrough the door, crashing
I guess you mean that they broke the door, but "through" doesn't get me all the way there.
anonymousThey land on t
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