Please check this paragraph

Here is the chart

http://www.ielts-exam.net/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=193&Itemid=32

Another notable pattern is that in all the six regions, illiterate woman tend to be more than man. The disparity is marginal in the regions of the first group except for East Asia and Oceania, where the problem for woman is more than twice as serious as that for man. In the rest of the regions, female illiteracy exceed male illiteracy by roughly one third.



Can someone tell me if I have described the information on chart clearly? The model answer took a totally different approach than mine, which one is preferable in general?

Thank you.