Please check my writing task1

Question

The bar charts provide information about what percentage of students study for career and interest in terms of five age groups in the range of under 26 years old to over 49 years old and proportion of people in each group who are supported by employers.

Overall, the percentage of students that work for career experiences downward trend, while other group shows an upward trend. Although the priority of students under 26 years old for the study is a job, it has the lowest importance for students over 49 years old. The employers do not support the range of age between 40 and 49 much.

Eighty percent of students under 26 years old study for finding a job, while 10% of them study for their interest. The percentage of students who study for career decreases with increasing the age and hits the low-point of approximately 19% for over 49 years old. the percentage of students who study for their interest rise and reach about 70% in the range over 49 years old.

The employers tend to support students have fluctuation. The proportion of students under 26 years old is highest, almost 63% and it falls to about 33% for rang between 30 and 39. Then it grows by about 10 percent for students over 49 years old.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The bar charts (How many bar charts?) provide information about (Vague) what percentage of students study for career and interest in terms of five age groups in the range of under 26 years old to over 49 years old and proportion of people in each group who are supported by employers.

Your first paragraph is not good. Yo

Your first paragraph is not good. You try to cram all the aspects of the figure into one complicated sentence. It does not work out well. There is no rule that the first paragraph needs to be one and only one sentence. Take your time to carefully describe all aspects of the figure, but not the data values.

Please read my advice for Task 1 essays: IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Model paragraph:

The two bar graphs give information about working adults who are also students. The first chart gives a breakdown by age group and their reason for attending classes. There are five age groups (under 26, 26-29, 30-39 and over 49) and two reasons to study (for career and for pleasure). The second chart shows, for these same five age groups, the percentage who received support from their employer to attend classes.

Overall, the percentage of students that work (wrong word. 100% would work for a career because a job is almost the same as career. ) for career ~~experiences~~ (wrong word. Percentages are not living creatures. They do not have experiences. Read my advice.) downward trend, while other group shows an upward trend. Although the priority of students under 26 years old for the study is a job, it has the lowest importance for students over 49 years old. The employers do not support students in the age range ~~of age~~ between 40 and 49 much.

Model paragraph "overall"

The total percentage of the students who study for career and for interest adds up to 80-90% in each age group. As their age increases, the reasons shift from studying for their career (80% in the under-26 group) to going to school to pursue a personal interest (70% in the over-49 age group.). In the middle-age group (40-49) there are an equal number who study for their career and personal interest, 40% in each group. There are also 20% who studied for some other reason, or did not give an answer. Employer support also has a distinctive relation with the students' ages. They give the most support to the youngest employees who are studying to benefit their careers, 65% in the under-26 group and 50% in the next older group. The least support is given to the mid-career groups (30-49) and it increases for the late-career employees who are predominantly studying for personal interest.

Eighty percent of students under 26 years old study for finding a job, (wrong expression. There is nothing on the chart about seeking a job.) . while 10% of them study for their interest. The percentage of students who study for career decreases with increasing ~~the~~ age and hits the low-point of approximately 19% for over 49 years old. the percentage of students who study for their interest rise and reach about 70% in the range over 49 years old.

The employers tend to support students have fluctuation. (wrong word) The proportion of students under 26 years old is highest, almost 63% and it falls to about 33% for rang between 30 and 39. Then it grows by about 10 percent for students over 49 years old.

Please check my writing task1

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