Please check my Writing task 1. Thank you

Question

The two bar charts give information about the actual and target percentage of buses, from a particular bus company that arrived at the destination on time and a number of complaints made by passengers in the period of 5 years, from 1999 to 2003.

It is clear that while the percentage of services arriving on time target generally decreased, the opposite was true for the number of complaints over the period. Another striking feature is that the bus company seems to fail to achieve their target in 5 years except for 2003.

Even though the company set their highest punctuality aim in 1999 and 2000, which was 86%, they didn’t reach its target which was at 85% and 82% respectively. It also reflected the number of complaints from passengers which was approximately 63.000 in 1999 and 100.000 in 2000.

In the next three years, the bus company tried to lower their aim, at only 85% in 2001 and 2002 and approximately 85% in 2002. As a matter of fact, they were close to achieve their goal in 2001, with a low of 85%. The percentage of actual on-time arrivals underwent a significant decrease to 84% in 2001, then increased to exceed the target of 85% in 2003. In contrast, the number of complaints rose significantly from 82.000 in 2001 to its highest point in 5 years at 120.000 in 2003.

(228 words)

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The two bar charts give information about (vague. Tell the reader what is plotted. "Give information about" is not clear.) the actual and target percentage of buses, (awkward) from a particular bus company that arrived at the destination on time and a number of complaints made by passengers in the period of 5 years, from 1999 to 2003.

~~It is clear that~~ ("Filler" - unnecessary verbiage.) while the percentage of services arriving on time target generally decreased, the opposite was true for the number of complaints over the period. (This is very awkward) Another striking feature is that the bus company seems (There is no "seem" in math! The numbers tell exactly what happened.) to fail to achieve their target in 5 years except for 2003.

Even though the company set their highest punctuality aim (awkward) in 1999 and 2000, which was 86%, they didn’t (Do not use contractions in academic writing) reach its target which was at 85% and 82% respectively. It also reflected the number of complaints from passengers which was approximately 63.000 (wrong numbers) in 1999 and 100.000 in 2000.

In the next three years, the bus company ~~tried to~~ lowered (There is no "try" in charts and graphs. There is only data. ) their aim, at only 85% in 2001 and 2002 and approximately 85% in 2002. As a matter of fact, they were close to achieve (wrong form) their goal in 2001, with a low of 85%. The percentage of actual on-time arrivals went down ~~underwent a significant decrease~~ to 84% in 2001, then increased to exceed the target of 85% in 2003. In contrast, the number of complaints rose significantly from 82.000 in 2001 to its highest point ~~in 5 years~~ at 120.000 in 2003.

Sample essay:

The first bar chart plots the percentage of busses that arrived on time compared to the bus company's performance goals each year from 1999 to 2003. The second bar chart measures the level of customer complaints over the same period. The measurement is number of complaints received per thousand passenger trips.

Overall, the bus company lowered their performance targets over the period, and the level of complaints increased. They failed to achieve their set goals every year except for 2003.

In detail, the performance target was initially set at 86% declining to 84.5% five years later. However the actual performance varied from its worst in 2000, 82%, to its best, just under 85%, in 2003. The gap between target and actual was greatest, 4%, in 2000, an increase from 1% the previous year. The complaints had also jumped, from 70 to 100 per thousand passenger trips. In 2001, the percent on-time arrivals was within a half percent of the target, and the level of complaints dropped to about 85. During the next two years, 2002-3, complaints mounted to 110 and then 120 even as the actual performance remained in a narrow range, 84 to 85%.

Please check my Writing task 1. Thank you

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