Please check my writing task 1

Question

The two bar charts compare the quantity of American marriages and divorces and the matrimonial situation of mature American between 1970 and 2000.

Married had the highest proportion of mature Americans in both years, 1970 and 2000 while the number of people who got marriage and divorces decreased during that period of time.
In 1970, the number of marriages citizens in America started at 2.5 million and the figure for divorces citizens stood at 1 million before reaching a peak at 1.4 million in 1980. After that, there was considerably decrease of 0.5 million for marriage American and 0.4 million for divorce American until 2000.

In terms of matrimonial situation, although there was a slight fall by 10% in the percentage of married people in Americans from 1970 to 2000, it experienced far outnumbered of proportion than other statuses. At that time, the figure for unmarried and divorced increased slightly by 8% for both of them, whereas a moderate decline in the proportion of widowed Americans was seen, just by 2%.

P/s: If you think some words or sentences should be changed, please make suggestions to help me improve my writing skill.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The two bar charts compare the quantity (wrong word) of American marriages and divorces and the matrimonial situation (I have no idea what this is. Engagement? A happy young couple? ) of mature American (One American?) between 1970 and 2000.

There are many problems with your sentence. The word usage is very poor. You do not distinguish one chart from the other, so the reader is very very confused.

The most important thing about task 1 is clarity in your description. Synonyms seldom have the exactly the same meaning, so it is quite unwise to attempt to use synonyms in Task 1, especially for the items that are being plotted. Statistical measures often have very precise definitions in demographics, so synonyms are counterproductive and confusing.

Suggested paragraph:

The two bar charts give statistics on marriage and divorce in America between 1970 and 2000. The first chart plots the number of marriages and divorces for each decade during the period, and the second plots the percentage of the adult population in four marital status categories (never married, married, widowed and divorced) in 1970 and 2000.

Can you see how clear this description is compared to yours? The first sentence tells the reader the general subject being depicted. The first main clause of the second sentence tells the reader exactly what is on the first bar chart, and the second main clause tells the reader exactly what is on the second chart. Now that the infographic is clear in the reader's mind, you can present the main features in the statistical information.

Most of your body paragraphs are poor English. You have some good ideas, but you need a lot more practice in Task 1 to express them clearly. Let me know if you want a complete sample essay.

Married had the highest proportion (That makes no sense) of mature Americans in both years, 1970 and 2000 while the number of people who got marriage (wrong phrase) and divorces decreased during that period of time.
In 1970, the number of marriages citizens in America (That makes no sense) started at 2.5 million and the figure for divorces citizens stood at 1 million before reaching a peak at 1.4 million in 1980. After that, there was considerably decrease of 0.5 million for marriage American and 0.4 million for divorce American until 2000.

In terms of matrimonial situation, although there was a slight fall by 10% in the percentage of married people in Americans from 1970 to 2000, it experienced far outnumbered of proportion (That makes no sense) than other statuses. At that time, the figure for unmarried and divorced increased slightly by 8% for both of them, whereas a moderate decline in the proportion of widowed Americans was seen, just by 2%.

Please check my writing task 1

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