Please check my writing task 1

Question

The line graph illustrates the tendency of population statistic in Scotland from 1940 to 2020. It is clear that the percentage of the death rate is only rising while the proportion of birth rate and population extend decreased.

The proportion of deaths started at 1.5 percent before there was a drop significantly in the next twenty years at 0.5 percent. However, the demise rate unchanged until it went down slightly with 0.3 percent in 1980. After that, the rate of death was stable again for twenty years and then it increased dramatically in the next two decades with almost 1.0 percent in 2020.

In contrast, the percentage of birth and population extend stood at 2.5 percent and nearly 1.0 respectively in 1940. Thereafter, the figure dropped slightly in 1945 before it peaked at over 2.0 percent for birth rate and 1.5 percent for population growth rate. Moreover, the rate of two categories fluctuated in the following fifteen years. After that, the rate of resident extends

decreased to 0 percent until 2005 whereas the rate of birth went down slightly at 0.5 percent in 2020.

P/s: If you think some words or sentences should be changed, please make suggestions to help me improve my writing skill.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The line graph ~~illustrates~~ gives / shows / plots / depicts ~~the tendency of population statistic~~ (Completely wrong. ) in Scotland from 1940 to 2020. (You must begin a new paragraph when you stop describing the figure and begin to write about the main features.) ~~It is clear that~~ the percentage of the death rate (no, no, no!. The statistic is the death rate, not the percentage of death rate.) is only rising while the proportion (wrong word. These are not proportions.) of birth rate and population extend (wrong word) decreased.

The proportion of deaths (Wrong phrase) started at 1.5 percent before there was a drop significantly in the next twenty years at 0.5 percent. However, the demise (no, no, no!) rate unchanged until it went down slightly with 0.3 percent in 1980. After that, the rate of death (no, no, no!) was stable again for twenty years and then it increased dramatically in the next two decades with almost 1.0 percent in 2020.

In contrast, the percentage of birth and population extend (no, no, no!) stood at 2.5 percent and nearly 1.0 respectively in 1940. Thereafter, ~~the figure~~ it dropped slightly in 1945 before it peaked at over 2.0 percent for birth rate and 1.5 percent for population growth rate. Moreover, the rate of two categories (no, no, no!) fluctuated (wrong word) in the following fifteen years. After that, the rate of resident extends (no, no, no!) decreased to 0 percent until 2005 whereas the rate of birth (no, no, no!) went down slightly at 0.5 percent in 2020.

Demographic statistics have very precise definitions and fixed names. You cannot change them or substitute words. If you do so, the term you have invented is scientifically meaningless.

The crude birth rate is the number of live births occurring among the population of a given geographical area during a given year, per 1,000 mid-year total population of the given geographical area during the same year.

The crude death rate is the number of deaths occurring among the population of a given geographical area during a given year, per 1,000 mid-year total population of the given geographical area during the same year.

The population growth rate is the rate at which the number of individuals in a population increases in a given time period, expressed as a fraction of the initial population. Specifically, population growth rate refers to the change in population over a unit time period, expressed as a percentage of the number of individuals in the population at the beginning of that period.

Note that the population growth rate is highly dependent on both the birth rate and death rate. For example, if very few babies are born, and many people die, the population will shrink, as indicated by a negative population growth rate. If lots of babies are born, and people live very long lives, the population will boom, or grow at a high rate. In this graph, you can see that there is a high degree of correlation between the birth rate and the population growth rate. Of course immigration and emigration trends will affect this metric..

Please rewrite your essay. Remember that when demographic statistics and other precisely-defined measurements are plotted, their names cannot be changed.

Please check my writing task 1

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