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Question

The bar chart indicates the proportion of male and the counterpart who did exercises frequently according to their ages in Australia. It is clear that, women did physical activities far more than men. Moreover, females in 45 to 54 group possessed the highest figure during the research period.

It is noticeable that, in 25 to 64 groups, the proportion of female doing exercises regularly was far larger than the counterpart. The most significant figure was from the proportion of women in 45 to 54 group with more than 53%, while only around 43% male. Moreover, the 35 to 44 group witnessed a tremendous difference between men and women, with 52% female was said to do sport frequently, but under 39.5% men did.

However, in the youngest group, the proportion of male was slightly higher than the counterpart, with over 52.8% and 47.7% respectively. In addition, both genders from over 65 group hold closely the same figure with 47 %

Poster · Accepted Answer

DUONG TU LONGThe bar chart indicates

The most common verb in this situation is "shows", as the graph below demonstrates. There is no reason to use any other verb, and doing so just demonstrates to the examiner that you do not understand what the natural collocation is.

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=The+bar+chart+below+ %2CThe+bar+chart+shows%2Cchart+*_VERB%2C+chart+indicates&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2CThe%20bar%20chart%20below%20shows%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2CThe%20bar%20chart%20shows%3B%2Cc0%3B.t2%3B%2Cchart%20%2A_VERB%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Bchart%20is_VERB%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bchart%20shows_VERB%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bchart%20showing_VERB%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bchart%20can_VERB%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bchart%20was_VERB%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bchart%20will_VERB%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bchart%20are_VERB%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bchart%20should_VERB%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bchart%20may_VERB%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bchart%20has_VERB%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cchart%20indicates%3B%2Cc0

DUONG TU LONGthe counterpart

If this is meant to be a paraphrase for "females" is it a failure. Copying labels of less than three words from the chart will not drag your score down, and is more accurate.

DUONG TU LONGfrequently

"Regular" does not necessarily imply "frequent". Once per week is regular, but arguably not frequent at all.

DUONG TU LONGaccording to their ages

Better: grouped by age, grouped according to their ages

DUONG TU LONG in Australia

In this position it sounds as if their ages are different elsewhere: move to immediately after "males and females".

DUONG TU LONG It is clear that,

It is noticeable that,

Superfluous, and would not need the comma.

DUONG TU LONGin 45 to 54 group

in the 45-54 age group/cohort

DUONG TU LONGpossessed the highest figure

The highest percentage overall was reported for women in the ....

DUONG TU LONGduring the research period.

The research period has not been stated yet, so this is meaningless.

DUONG TU LONGin 25 to 64 groups,

in the 25-64 age range

DUONG TU LONGwas from the proportion

was the proportion

DUONG TU LONG witnessed a tremendous

Do not use anthropomorphic verbs, or journalistic language in Task 1: recorded a large...

DUONG TU LONGwith 52% female was said to do sport frequently, but under 39.5% men did.

with 52 per cent of females doing sport regularly, compared to less than 39.5% for men.

DUONG TU LONGhold closely the same figure

had very similar results

AlpheccaStars · Answer

The bar chart indicates the proportion of male and the counterpart (wrong words) who did exercises frequently according to their ages in Australia. ~~It is clear that, women did physical activities far more than men. Moreover, females in 45 to 54 group possessed the highest figure during the research period~~. (There is no indication of a research period in the topic or the chart. Avoid the word "figure". In this context, a figure is a diagram or illustration inserted in the text.)

In the first paragraph, limit your content to a description of the figure or figures. Do not present any of your observations about the data contained in the figure.

To start, task 1, make a list of all the possible noun phrases that describe the figure. You can include some ideas for synonyms. However, it is generally not a good idea to use paraphrasing or synonyms in Task 1. The problem you will have is that the meanings of synonyms or paraphrased expressions are seldom the same as the words on the figure. You will lose accuracy and precision.

In Task 1, you demonstrate your competence in objectively, precisely and methodically describing a scientific or mathematical figure. In Task 2, you will demonstrate your range of vocabulary to express your opinions. These are very different writing skills.

List of noun phrases for this task:

1. bar chart

2. 2010

3. percentage

4. six age groups (possible synonym: category)

5. ages over 15

6. people, male and female (possible synonyms: ***, gender)

7. Australians

8. regular physical activity (possible synonyms: exercise)

Next use those noun phrases and write your sentences. You may be able to put them together in one sentence, but usually, you will write two and sometimes three sentences.

Here are two examples

1.

The bar chart presents the percentages of Australian residents over the age of fifteen who took part in regular exercise in 2010. The percentages are broken down by *** and age group. There are six age groups starting with ages 15-24, and ending with those over 65.

2.

The percentage of men and women living in Australia who participated in regular physical activity in 2010 is shown in the bar chart. They are divided into six different age groups. The youngest are aged 15-24, and the oldest are over 65.

~~. It is clear that,~~ (That is your opinion. Do not write opinions in task 1. ) women did physical activities far more than men. Moreover, females in 45 to 54 group possessed the highest figure during the research period.

~~It is noticeable that,~~ (That is your opinion. Do not write opinions in task 1. ) in 25 to 64 groups, the proportion of female (wrong form) doing exercises regularly was far larger than the counterpart. The most significant figure was from the proportion of women in 45 to 54 group with more than 53%, while only around 43% male. Moreover, the 35 to 44 group witnessed a tremendous difference between men and women, with 52% female was said to do sport frequently, but under 39.5% men did. (Do not use anthropomorphic verbs - "see", "witness" or "experience" in Task 1. These are not used in scientific or mathematical contexts. Also do not use "drama" words like "tremendous", "huge" "enormous" "rocket." These are inappropriate for a professor in science or math. )

However, in the youngest group, the proportion of male was slightly higher than the counterpart, with over 52.8% and 47.7% respectively. In addition, both genders from over 65 group hold closely the same figure with 47 %

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