Please check my writing.

Question

Hi recently I have decided to write short essay with words that I learn everyday.
Please read my writing and bold my mistake.I don't want an elaborate answer.

It was eight o'clock and I was in my bed.Thinking about my decision .a decision that I had made before really thinking about its consequences.Yesterday I volunteered to help my father to change carpets of corridor and get rid of the clutter of boxes that have been backlogged in the garage.but now I was to exhausted and had lost my ambition to do it.I needed a strenuous force to throw me out of bed and impede me from breaking my promise.So I thought about money that need for the party which i have to ask to my father for it and so immediately i jumped out of bed and said to myself "I am man of my word".I went to bathroom to wash my face and then stepped down to the kitchen where my mom was waiting for me.she was looking at me in an esoteric way.she was against dads plan.she was saying that changing carpet is lavish.

Thank you.

GPY · Accepted Answer

I have underlined some mistakes. Many of these are grammatical or formatting errors; one or two are cases where a more suitable word could be found.

It was eight o'clock and I was in my bed.Thinking about my decision .a decision that I had made before really thinking about [just to avoid repetition] its consequences.Yesterday I volunteered to help my father to change carpets of corridor and get rid of the clutter of boxes that have been backlogged in the garage.but now I was to exhausted and had lost my ambition to do it.I needed a strenuous force to throw me out of bed and impede me from breaking my promise.So I thought about money that need for the party which i have to ask to my father for it and so immediately i jumped out of bed and said to myself "I am man of my word".I went to bathroom to wash my face and then stepped down to the kitchen where my mom was waiting for me.she was looking at me in an esoteric way.she was against dads plan.she was saying that changing carpet is lavish.

MIG · Answer

Thank you GPY. <img class='emoticon' style='Width:19px;Height:19px;' data-delaysrc='https://uat-englishforward-forums-backend.s3.us-west-2.amazonaws.com/Emoticons/1.gif' src='https://uat-englishforward-forums-backend.s3.us-west-2.amazonaws.com/Emoticons/1.gif' alt='Emotion: smile'/>

MIG · Answer

Hi GPY, thank you again.
Last night I was too tired and sleepy so i couldn't rewrite my essay.
Please help me.

It was eight o'clock and I was in my bed. Thinking about my decision. A decision that I had made before really considering (thinking about [just to avoid repetition] ) its consequences. Yesterday I volunteered to help my father to replace corridor's carpet (change carpets of corridor) and get rid of the clutter of boxes that have been backlogged (Why not? i can use a better word?) in the garage. But now I was too exhausted and had lost my ambition to do it. I needed a strenuous force (Why not? i can use a better word?) to throw me out of bed and stop me (impede me) from breaking my promise. So I thought about the money that I need for the party which I have to ask to my father for it and so immediately I jumped out of bed and said to myself "I am man of my word" . I went to the bathroom to wash my face and then stepped down to the kitchen where my mom was waiting for me. She was looking at me in an esoteric (Why not? i can use a better word?) way. She was against Dad's plan. She was saying that replacing carpet is lavish (Why not? i can use a better word? Should i use "Overspending" ?).

MIG · Answer

This is my essay without markup.

It was eight o'clock and I was in my bed. Thinking about my decision. A decision that I had made before really considering it's consequences. Yesterday I volunteered to help my father to replace corridor's carpet and get rid of the clutter of boxes that have been backlogged in the garage. But now I was too exhausted and had lost my ambition to do it. I needed a strenuous force to throw me out of bed and stop me from breaking my promise. So I thought about the money that I need for the party which I have to ask my father for it and so immediately I jumped out of bed and said to myself "I am man of my word" . I went to the bathroom to wash my face and then stepped down to the kitchen where my mom was waiting for me. She was looking at me in an esoteric way. She was against Dad's plan. She was saying that replacing the carpet is lavish.

GPY · Answer

Is this a piece of writing that you have to hand in to class, or is it just for your own personal study?

MIG · Answer

Just for personal study.
I said it at first.

GPY · Answer

It was eight o'clock and I was in my bed. Thinking about my decision. A decision that I had made before really considering its consequences. [the preceding sentences have a noticeably staccato feel; this is not wrong if intentional] Yesterday I volunteered [it may be possible to justify "Yesterday I volunteered" on the basis that you are quoting the actual thoughts at the time; however, I think that "The previous day I had volunteered" is safer] to help my father to [my personal preference would be to delete the word "to" here, but it is not wrong] replace the carpet in the corridor and get rid of the clutter of boxes that had piled up [there are several things that you could say here, but I am not familiar with such use of the word "backlog"] in the garage. But now I was too exhausted and had lost my enthusiasm for doing it ["enthusiasm" seems a better word than "ambition"]. I needed a strong motivation to get me out of bed ["strenuous force" sounds to me like a physical force or exertion] and stop me from breaking my promise. So I thought about the money that I needed for the party, which I had to ask my father for, and then immediately I jumped out of bed and said to myself "I am man of my word". I went to the bathroom to wash my face and then stepped down to the kitchen where my mom was waiting for me. She was looking at me in an ??? ["esoteric" is a strange word to use, but I do not exactly understand what you are trying to convey] way. She was against Dad's plan. She was saying that replacing the carpet was extravagant.

MIG · Answer

Thank you and thank you and thank you.

This is great.I didn't expect this much detailed answer.

My last tiny question

:
Why it would be wrong to use lavish?

GPY · Answer

It is hard to say that "lavish" is definitely wrong. However, "lavish" has a certain sense of profusion, scale or grandeur that to me does not quite seem to fit the replacement of carpets in an ordinary family home. Also, there may be a sense that "lavish" is more suitable for description of the actual thing or object than an action or behaviour

MIG · Answer

Thank you, GPY.
Your explanation was more than enough.

Please check my writing.

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