Please check my task 1 Ielts writing. Thanks a lot!!!

Question

The line chart gives information about the number of stores closing and opening in a specific country in the period 2011-2018. Looking from an overall perspective, it is clear that there was a downward trend in both shop closures and shop openings, most noticeably in the number of opening stores.

Looking at the line representing shop openings, a sharly fall was recorded from around 8500 stores in 2011 to 4000 stores in 2012. Shops then opened more, saw a gradual climb to more than 6000 branches in 2014, but rapidly decreased again to 4000 branches in 2015. In the period 2015 - 2016, the number of opening shops stayed stable before seeing a dramatic fall in 2018.

Regarding the other line, it can be seen that there was a slight decline from around 6400 closing shops in 2011 to 6000 closing shops in 2012. The number of store closures then saw a substantial increase in 2013 to more than 7000 stores, before recording a slight decrease to around 6500 shops in the next year. In 2015, there was an enormous drop in the number of shop closures, to under 1000 shops but rapidly went up to more than 5000 closing shops in 2016. In the period 2016-2018, the number of shop closures almost stayed unchanged.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The line chart (There are bar charts and pie charts and Gantt charts and organizational charts, but there is no such thing as a line chart. Read my advice for the correct names of these plots. The person who wrote the title is not knowledgeable in the vocabulary of math and science.) ~~gives information about~~ (Vague and uninformative. What is plotted?) plots the number of stores closing and opening (That means that one store both opened and closed in the same year.) in a specific country in the period 2011-2018. (You have not read my advice. When you change the topic of a paragraph, you have to start a new one.) ~~Looking from an overall perspective~~, ~~it is clear that~~ (Read my advice) there was a downward trend in both shop closures and shop openings, most noticeably in the number of new ~~opening~~ stores.

~~Looking at the line representing shop openings~~, a sharly (That is not a valid word) fall was recorded from around 8500 stores in 2011 to 4000 stores in 2012. Shops then opened more, saw (Shops do not have eyes. They do not see anything) a gradual climb to more than 6000 branches (wrong word) in 2014, but rapidly decreased again to 4000 branches in 2015. In the period 2015 - 2016, the number of opening shops stayed stable before seeing a dramatic fall in 2018.

Regarding the other line, ~~it can be seen that~~ (These are useless words. Delete. You are not giving any information.) there was a slight decline from around 6400 ~~closing shops~~ in 2011 to 6000 ~~closing shops~~ in 2012. The number of store closures then saw (Numbers cannot see anything.) a substantial increase in 2013 to more than 7000 stores, before recording a slight decrease to around 6500 shops in the next year. In 2015, there was an enormous (Do not use "drama" words in Task 1. They are not suitable for maths, or engineering.) drop in the number of shop closures, to under 1000 shops but rapidly went up to more than 5000 closing shops in 2016. In the period 2016-2018, the number of shop closures almost stayed unchanged.

To get a good score on this essay, you have to point out the differences in the two curves. If you just focus on each curve separately and copy numbers from the graph to your essay, your score will be limited.

For example:

In 2011, there were 2100 additional stores in the country; even though 6400 went out of business, 8500 more were created. That year was not only the highest in terms of new shops, it was one of the two with a net increase. The other was 2015 with a gain of 4500. In the other six years, there were more closures than openings, the largest losses coming in 2013 and 2018, when there was a net decrease of slightly over 2000.

Please read my advice for Task 1 essays:

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post

Towel piano 30 · Answer

It's my answer for the given graph.would love to see the response.

The data illustrates the number of stores that closed and opened in an nation from 2011 to 2018.

Overall,the number of both closures and openings has fluctuated in most of the years.Meanwhile, the state had faced loss and profit equally.

In 2011,over 8000 shops were opened then it drastically drop back to 4000 in year 2012.Although, it remain growing to year 2014 with more than 6000 openings, it again decreased to 4000 in 2015. From 2015 to 2017 not much changes has seen in the opening but it fall back at 3000 by the year 2018.

More than 6000 outlet were closed in 2011 with slight changes in 2012 but it increased in 2013 by more than 7000 numbers of closures when the county has accepted heavy loss until the year 2014.But,in 2015 it sharply fall back to less than 1000 which has great impact on the state nevertheless it again arise rapidly in 2016 with more than 5000 closures which stay quite same till 2018.

Please check my task 1 Ielts writing. Thanks a lot!!!

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