Please check my Task 1 IELTS

Question

Topic: The chart below shows numbers of incidents and injuries per 100 million passenger miles travelled (PMT) by transportation type in 2002.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.My essay: The chart illustrates information about the percentage of incidents and injuries happened by the accidents when traveling by various transports in 2002.Overall, the proportion of incidents was always higher than that of injuries in all means of transportations. Moreover, the demand response which was types of the vehicle had the largest accident data, while an opposite pattern can be seen from the commuter rail.To be specific, both incidents and injuries which occurred in the commuter rail had nearly the same number, with approximately 0.23%. The second big figures were heavy rail, with the number of incidents and injuries were 0.5% and about 0.3%, respectively.Although the light rail and bus had the same figures for incidents, at 0.75%, the proportion of injuries was smaller, with about 0.3% and 0.6%, respectively. By contrast, the demand response happened the most frequently accidents, with just over 2.5% incidents and about 1,7% injuries.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The (What kind of chart?) chart illustrates (poor word choice) ~~information about~~ (incorrect) the percentage (The units are not percentages. They are counts. Be careful to study the chart and use the correct units. ) of incidents and injuries happened ~~by the accidents~~ when traveling by various (how many? What were they?) transports in 2002.

Overall, the proportion (wrong word) of incidents was always higher than that of injuries in all means of transportations. (wrong form) Moreover, the demand response which was types of the vehicle (wrong expression) had the largest accident data, while the lowest was ~~an opposite pattern can be seen~~ from the commuter rail.

To be specific, both incidents and injuries which occurred in the commuter rail had nearly the same number, with approximately 0.23%. (wrong value) The second ~~big figure~~s (wrong expression) largest were heavy rail, with the number of incidents and injuries being ~~were~~ (wrong form) 0.5% (wrong value) and about 0.3%, (wrong value) respectively.

Although the light rail and bus had the same ~~figures~~ ~~for~~ numbers of incidents, at 0.75%, (wrong value) the proportion of injuries was smaller, with about 0.3% (wrong value) and 0.6%, (wrong value) respectively. By contrast, the demand response happened the most frequently accidents, (wrong expression) with just over 2.5% (wrong value) incidents and about 1,7% (wrong value) injuries.

Please read my advice for Task 1 essays. In the "vocabulary words" I explain why you have used "illustrate" incorrectly.

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post

Here is a sample for you to study.

The bar chart plots the numbers of incidents and injuries that occurred per 100 million passenger miles travelled (PMT) in 2002 for five types of transportation. Three types of rail are shown, commuter rail, heavy rail and light rail. The other two types are bus and demand/response.

Overall, the demand/response category had the worst accident record. It had many more incidents and injuries than the other categories, about five times as many incidents as the average of all rail types, and twice as many injuries than occurred on buses. There were more incidents than injuries recorded for every category.

Compared to heavy rail, the number of incidents for light rail was about 50% greater (75 versus 50), but the numbers of injuries were about the same. Light rail had about the same number of incidents as buses, but with half the number of injuries. Of all these categories, commuter rail was the safest mode of transport, with less than half the number of incidents and injuries as the second ranking, heavy rail, (20 versus 50 and 30 versus 15, respectively). However, on a different measure, the ratio of the number of injuries to the number of incidents, commuter rail had the worst record, the number of injuries being only slightly less that the number of incidents, a ratio of about 1/1 (1.0). Light rail had the best record, with about 1 injury for every 2 incidents (0.5). The others were in between. For instance, this ratio for demand response was 175/250, about 0.7 injuries per incident and that of bus transport was a little worse, at 0.8.

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