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Anonymous Posted 14 years ago
Song Writing & Lyrics

Please, check my song's lyrics))

A little bit drunk

I see your face in an old broken glass
I see the eyes that keep the cold like a floe
Your phrases hurt with hot burning brass
Your bestial hands expressly give me to know

I’m the useless thing that
Lost in your pocket
The chocolate candy melts in your mouth
Time after time I
See the birds that pass me by
It’s time to run with them to the South

A little bit hard
But I should be wiser
A little bit hollow, but I know what I’ll do
A little bit drunk
A little bit falling in love with you
But I’m still standing on my feet
I’ll find the will to stay up to you!

Look into my eyes and say what you see
Don’t try to lie because you’ll lie to you too
Changing my mind I’m gonna be free
To leave behind those things that made me so blue

Love is the Jackpot, don’t you wanna cast a lot?
Just take your chance before being crushed
Devil from the very down made a damned deal is done
I show my cards ‘cause I’ve got the Flash

It means it’s my turn
To order a song
It’s time for changing blood with the wine
Don’t wanna be strong
But I’ve waited for so long
The triumph in me resounds with a chime

A little bit hard
But I should be wiser
A little bit hollow, but I know what I’ll do
A little bit sad
But what the hell I stay here pitying you
You want to take my youth away, so know
I’ll never give it to you!
Give it to you!
Give it to you!

The words are falling from my tongue
You are so young, but here’s a gun
It’s written in the stars to plant lead
Nemesis gives a wile smile
This vixen leer at my speed while
The dickens vapours out of my head
Sick is the portent of the guilt
Am I so faint to stick in silt?
I try to hold what cannot be kept
I wanna let it go
I’m sobe enough to say you “no”
I pray for God to help me do
The final step to running from you!

A little bit hurt
And seems like I’m ready for killing you
But I collected all my tears in a bag
And gonna leave it to you!
Leave it to you!
Leave it to you!

Leave it to you!
Leave it to you!
Leave it to you!
  

Top answer

Paragraph 1: Your phrases hurt with hot burning brass - this may be better: "hurt like hot burning brass" Your ******* hands expressly give me to know - what do they give you? "give me to know" isnt coherent. Do you mean the actions of their hands allow you to know?

  • Paragraph 1: Your phrases hurt with hot burning brass - this may be better: "hurt like hot burning brass" Your ******* hands expressly give me to know - what do they give you?
  • "give me to know" isnt coherent.
  • Do you mean the actions of their hands allow you to know?
  • Paragraph 2: useless thing that -- lost in your pocket - "thing that is -- lost in your pocket", may be better.
  • Paragraph 5: Devil from the very down made a damned deal is done - "from the very down" is an awkward way to phrase it, maybe devil from deep down/way down there" might be better.
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3 Answers
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Paragraph 1:

Your phrases hurt with hot burning brass - this may be better: "hurt like hot burning brass"

Your ******* hands expressly give me to know - what do they give you? "give me to know" isnt coherent. Do you mean the actions of their hands allow you to know?

Paragraph 2:

useless thing that -- lost in your pocke
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Thank you for halping me, Matt))) It sounds like somthing between jazz and soul, there are a lot of pipes, strings, drums and very strong vocal)
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(Devil from the very down made a damned deal is done - "from the very down" is an awkward way to phrase it, maybe devil from deep down/way down there" might be better).- If I write "from the deepst down", it would be correct?
(It’s written in the stars to plant lead - what do you mean by "plant lead"? what is meant by lead and how is it planted? If you mean lead is a bullet and p

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