Please check my paragraph

Topic: In some schools, students must study music and learn to play a musical instrument. In other schools, studying music may not be required or there may be no music classes at all. Do you think all students should have to study music? Support your opinion with reasons and examples. Write a paragraph about 150-200 words.

My task:

While in some schools, music is mandatory and students must learn to play a musical instrument, in others, music is an optional subject or they do not have any music classes. In my opinion, only those who have an aptitude for music or have a massive interest in singing should study music. To begin with, people with these qualities are on the ball to assimilate the lessons faster than others. Secondly, they are always enthusiastic about music studies and want to have more knowledge about music, which is the main factor driving teachers to teach. If students do not have self-discipline to study, teachers will be demotivated, thereby reducing the quality of the lessons. Moreover, there is a likelihood that they are capable of becoming noted figures in the future because they all have musical talents and commitment to it. For instance, Mozart became such a great musician that hardly anyone does not know his reputation due to not only his musical precociousness but his dedication to music as well. In conclusion, studying music is beneficial for those who are gifted and committed to it.