Please check my motivation letter

Question

Hello,I have just registered on this site, so i do not know much about yet, but I see I can get really useful advice here.I would like to apply to a Uni and obviously I am asked for a motivation letter. I checked this site and it helped me a lot.Now can I ask somebody to check my letter regarding the language and its content, form,etc.! Please!Write here, or my email:Email RemovedThank youDear Sir/Madame,With this letter I would like to introduce and support my application for the Master`s Degree in Finance and Investment for the period of 2008-2009 at the …….University.I graduated with an Msc degree in Political Science at the  in 2005 and I obtained a Bachelor Degree in Economics at the  in 2006. In both universities I was awarded with upper-second class degree.I am engaged to make an international carrier in economics, specialized in finances and investments. My intention/dream is to work as an analyst for one of the top investment bank, hedge fund or as a finance advisor for a private trust in any local financial centre in the world but particularly in the City. To reach this carrier purpose I need to complete my academic background and take a Msc degree in economics, finance from a university which offers great education, has excellent reputation (…..University was among the top 100 universities in 2006) and can provide a multicultural environment. To be successful and achieve high standard work in the financial world I need to obtain the necessary practical and theoretical knowledge in investment analysis, corporate finance, banking, finance microstructure, to widen and deepen my knowledge about quantitative techniques and finance behaviour. I also would be thrilled to learn more about the international financial systems (focused on EU), the operation of the European Monetary System.For the reasons detailed above I made the commitment to apply to the….. University. I understand that economics and finance is a very popular and competitive industry and it is rather challenging to achieve a professional carrier. I am however eager and prepared to meet all these challenges I will be presented with.I am convinced that the education I will receive will provide with the necessary background I need to make a successful career and become a true professional, contributing value to my future companies.Yours Sincerely

Mister Micawber · Accepted Answer

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Dear Sir or Madam,
This letter is in support of my application for the Master`s Degree in Finance and Investment for the period of 2008-2009 at ……. University.
I graduated with an MSc in Political Science from Eotvos Lorand University in 2005 and I obtained a Bachelor's in Economics at Zrinyi Miklos National Defence University in 2006. In both universities I was awarded with upper-second class degrees [Please indicate the topmost rank and the range of ranks for degrees].
I want to pursue an international career in economics, specializing in finance and investments. My goal is to work as an analyst for one of the top investment banks or hedge funds, or as a finance advisor for a private trust in any world financial centre, but particularly in [City name]. To achieve this, I need to complete my academic background and take a MSc degree in economics or finance from a university which offers an outstanding education, has an excellent reputation (…..University was among the top 100 universities in 2006) and provides a multicultural environment.
To be successful and achieve high standards in the financial world, I need to obtain extensive practical and theoretical knowledge in investment analysis, corporate finance, banking, and finance microstructure, and I need to widen and deepen my understanding of quantitative techniques and finance behaviour. I am also eager to learn more about international financial systems (especially within the EU) and the operation of the European Monetary System.
I understand that economics and finance is a very popular and competitive industry, and it is rather challenging to achieve a professional career. I am however eager and prepared to meet all the challenges presented to me. I am convinced that the education I receive will provide the background necessary to make a successful career and become a true professional, contributing value to my future companies.
Yours faithfully,

Anonymous · Answer

That was very nice to read the "reviewed version" of the initial letter.

Thank very much,
is more than helpful.

Anonymous · Answer

Please check my motivation letter! My English is not perfect, so there are some mistaces
Dear Sir/Madam,

Thank you for considering my application for a Study Permit. I’d like to participate in the given program because I want to improve my English and visit the beautiful country New Zealand with it’s amazing and natural woods, landscapes .
During the past five years, I studied Persian language at Tavrida National Vernadskiy University. I was also given a chance to study English fot two and half years and even become graduate at English. This diploma gives me an opportunity to work like a Persian-English and English-Persian translator, and to teach English at school. Being a good specialist in English requires a language practice with native speakers of English. In my opinion the efective way to learn English grammar and informal speach for my future job is having lectures with qualified English speaker teachers. Futhermore I have some problems with English pronunciation and spending few months in New Zealandian sphere will be very useful.
The next reason is travelling. I like travelling a lot. I have already been to United states of America. I was suprised at it’s high level of democracy in the society, advanced technologies, American amicability, hospitability, politeness and civilization. I have heard that the capital of New Zealand has the highest level of life and I want to check it. Within four months in USA I was already given the oppurtunity to face the challenges of living in a foreign country and to gain cross-cultrural competence. Futhermore I improved my English but it is not perfect yet. I also want to get in contact with a lot of different people and their culture and get to know and experience them personally.
This year I entered the Tavrida University for the second higher education. My specialization is IT technologist. New Zealand is a country where IT technologies are developed so much. Staying for few months in the country will allow me to better understand IT technologies.
I heard that there is a Ukrainian diaspora in New Zealand. So I would like to watch how they live, and to observe their way of life.
All the expenses during my studies, including living, health and travel costs will be covered by my parents, who shares my opinion concerning quality English education.
I hope you approve my visa application and give me the permission to my studying in New Zealand. If you need any information, please don’t hesitate to contact me at the number or e-mail given below

Please check my motivation letter

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