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Motivation letterJanuary 18th 2008Everyone needs a guideline in life, mine is “That each person is given enough strength to complete, what he believes in”. The idea inspires me and helps me to overcome any obstacle in life.Since XX joined European Union I started to see endless opportunities for studies in EU. I am secondary school graduate and I am looking forward in joining Your University this year. I chose to study in the United Kingdom, because Universities in UK are ones of the best in the world, making them filled with international people. Meeting people from different corners of earth, hearing their interesting stories fascinates me. I am joining for BA degree in Business and Law because I think that this sphere suits me the best because I am interested in management, marketing, operations of different companies and legal system of business. There are many financial crimes committed in XX these days, that’s why I have chosen this degree so that I could better analyze and evaluate particular event and be of some use for my country.For nearly five years I was going to judo trainings, there I learned how to not underestimate people (they might be not as they look like), a bit of strategy, for what action you must perform, how to analyze your opponent, also basis in teamwork (how everyone had to pay their part in team). As I am communicative, open-minded, always searching for new challenges in life, rather energetic, I am completely positive that this course is for me. Knowledge gained at Your University would be immensely helpful for me and my country.My belief that at Your University I could achieve what I dream of, for now, at Your University that’s why learning in it would be an honor. As citizen of XX and EU I hope I could be of some use for development of EU’s economical sector.Sincerely Yours,XX

Mister Micawber · Accepted Answer

I have underlined some problem areas:

Motivation letter
January 18th 2008

Everyone needs a guideline in life, mine is “That each person is given enough strength to complete, what he believes in”. The idea inspires me and helps me to overcome any obstacle in life.

Since *** joined European Union I started to see endless opportunities for studies in EU. I am secondary school graduate and I am looking forward in joining Your University this year. I chose to study in the United Kingdom, because Universities in UK are ones of the best in the world, making them filled with international people. Meeting people from different corners of earth, hearing their interesting stories fascinates me.

I am joining for BA degree in Business and Law because I think that this sphere suits me the best because I am interested in management, marketing, operations of different companies and legal system of business. There are many financial crimes committed in *** these days, that’s why I have chosen this degree so that I could better analyze and evaluate particular event and be of some use for my country.

For nearly five years I was going to judo trainings, there I learned how to not underestimate people (they might be not as they look like), a bit of strategy, for what action you must perform, how to analyze your opponent, also basis in teamwork (how everyone had to pay their part in team). As I am communicative, open-minded, always searching for new challenges in life, rather energetic, I am completely positive that this course is for me. Knowledge gained at Your University would be immensely helpful for me and my country.

My belief that at Your University I could achieve what I dream of, for now, at Your University that’s why learning in it would be an honor. As citizen of *** and EU I hope I could be of some use for development of EU’s economical sector.

Sincerely Yours,

***

Paxlis · Answer

Its me anonymous guy here's fixed version hope its better would be good if you check it today

.

Motivation letter
January 18th 2008

Everyone needs a guideline in life. I have one of my own “Each person is given enough strength to achieve, what he believes in”. The idea inspires me and helps me to overcome any obstacle.

Since XX joined European Union I started to see endless opportunities for studies. I am looking forward to join Your University (I will add names of universities later) this year. I chose to study in the United Kingdom, because, in my opinion, Universities there are the best in the world, that’s why they are full of international students. Meeting people from different corners of earth fascinates me.

I want to gain BA degree in Business and Law course because I think that this sphere suits me the best. I am interested in management, marketing, operations of different companies and judicial side of business. There are many financial crimes committed in XX these days that is one of the reasons why I have chosen this degree, so I could better analyze and evaluate particular problem and be of some use for my country.

For nearly five years I was attending judo trainings, I learned how to not underestimate people, a little in strategy (you need to know what precise action you must perform), also how to analyze your opponent, and teamwork (how everyone had to pay their part). As I am communicative, open-minded (don’t see any problem, please help), always searching for new challenges in life and energetic, I am completely sure that this course is for me. Knowledge gained at Your University (I will add names of universities later) would be immensely helpful for me and my country.

My belief that at Your University I could achieve what I dream of, that’s why learning in it would be an honor. I would like to get acquainted more with the UK and to prepare myself for work in EU economical sector.

Sincerely Yours,

XX

Best regards, paxlis

Mister Micawber · Answer

You don't seem to have fixed everything I indicated before. I have underlined problem areas again:

Motivation letter
January 18th 2008

Everyone needs a guideline in life. I have one of my own “Each person is given enough strength to achieve, what he believes in”. The idea inspires me and helps me to overcome any obstacle.

Since *** joined European Union I started to see endless opportunities for studies. I am looking forward to join Your University (I will add names of universities later) this year. I chose to study in the United Kingdom, because, in my opinion, Universities there are the best in the world, that’s why they are full of international students. Meeting people from different corners of earth fascinates me.

I want to gain BA degree in Business and Law ~~course~~ because I think that this sphere suits me the best. I am interested in management, marketing, operations of different companies and judicial side of business. There are many financial crimes committed in *** these days that is one of the reasons why I have chosen this degree, so I could better analyze and evaluate particular problem and be of some use for my country.

For nearly five years I was attending judo trainings, I learned ~~how to~~ not to underestimate people, a little in strategy ~~(you need to know what precise action you must perform)~~, ~~also~~ how to analyze your opponent, and teamwork ~~(how everyone had to pay their part)~~. I am communicative, energetic and open-minded ~~(don’t see any problem, please help)~~, always searching for new challenges in life ~~and energetic, I am completely sure that this course is for me~~. Knowledge gained at Your University (I will add names of universities later) would be immensely helpful for me and my country.

My belief is that at Your University I could achieve what I dream of, that’s why learning in it would be an honor. I would like to get acquainted more with the UK and to prepare myself for work in EU economical sector.

Sincerely Yours,

***

please check my ML (uttermost importance) :)

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