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Cassiey2022 Posted 4 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Please check my Ielts writing task 2. Thank you so much

Some people think that the main purpose of schools is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather than to benefit them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In contemporary society, the primary purpose of schools has been under heated debate. Many people hold the view that transforming kids into good citizens and workers is the fundamental goal of education in schools rather than concentrating on individual betterment. From my perspective, I agree with the given sentiment and this course of the essay will elaborate carefully to provide the reasons for my personal opinion.

First and foremost, it is likely universal that a good individual should be useful to certain communities. It means that a well-skilled person might not be defined as a good one if those harms or are unsupportive to societies. Therefore, schools in which children's perspectives could be changed officially and openly should mainly focus on educating moral lessons and qualifies alongside particular subjects or skills. Being community-minded, for example, seem to be a necessary characteristic that is needed to be taught in schools, especially in fast-paced life in which there is likely sympathy insufficient. In a nutshell, a community could not be prosperous unless every single citizen is dedicated to bigger purposes.

However, it is indicated that generally moral lessons are unlikely the only target of teaching in schools since the development of societies relies significantly on single and personal innovations. specifically, Throughout the countless year of humankind's life, there was numerous innovative inventions and explorations that were undertaken by genius brains that have been changing human life totally and positively such as America's exploration and invention of the internet and computers, or chronic disease treatments. Therefore, alongside the primary goal, seeking and nurturing individual talents should be taken into consideration in order to create a quality workforce for our community. Seeking talent shows, for example, specific courses, and modern facilities should be provided free for children when they are still in school seats.

In conclusion, in spite of individualism development in contemporary society school should play the main role in educating the young generation to turn out the useful and well-educated people in their community. Besides, increasing personal betterment is not likely less crucial, however, it does not seems the major purpose of education.

  

Top answer

You wrote over 350 words. It is too long. The minimum is 250.

  • You wrote over 350 words.
  • It is too long.
  • The minimum is 250.
  • You will not lose points for writing more; however, longer essays generally do not get high band scores.
  • And there are many reasons for this.
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2 Answers
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You wrote over 350 words. It is too long. The minimum is 250. You will not lose points for writing more; however, longer essays generally do not get high band scores. And there are many reasons for this.

First, the longer the essay, the more chances you have to make errors, and you will lose points for each of those errors.

Second, your writing may be repetitious and wordy. This wi

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In contemporary society, the primary purpose of schools has been under heated debate. (That is not true. I have not heard any of these debates.)

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